Ask Us – "What's the difference between containing feelings and suppressing them?"

Don't Lose Hope

Oct 1

In this post we will briefly answer a question that was asked by one of our clients. Here is today's question: "What's the difference between containing feelings and suppressing them?"

Containing feelings and suppressing them are two different approaches to dealing with our emotions. Below, is a summary of how they differ:

1. Containing Feelings: Containing feelings is having the ability to recognize, acknowledge and experience our emotions (such as anger, sadness, frustration, jealousy, rejection, happiness and so on) whilst also maintaining a level of control over these emotions.

So we recognize our feelings, and are aware of how intense and potentially volatile they are.

At the same time, we also understand why we feel the way we do – and we do not judge, but instead accept – all of our emotions.

In this sense, we neither avoid nor deny them. We simply acknowledge that, "we feel what we feel."

However, we are also able to regulate those feelings, instead of being ruled or overwhelmed by them. When containing feelings, a person will often choose to express them in a healthier, more constructive way.

In addition, it is likely that he or she will work on processing negative feelings privately.

2. Suppressing Feelings: Suppressing feelings involves consciously or unconsciously avoiding, ignoring, or repressing emotions. It is an attempt to push our emotions away, and of not allowing them to be expressed. Sometimes, we won't allow them to even surface, or even experienced by us.

People who habitually suppress their emotions, will often have "learned" to do this in early childhood. Often, a parent will have modeled it themselves as he or she is uncomfortable with feelings.

Thus, the person may not want, or be able to access, certain – usually negative - emotions. They may have picked up the message that expressing their emotions is weak, unacceptable, bad, or wrong.

Also, the person may bury their emotions out of fear.

However, suppressing emotions can have negative consequences for our well-being. These unresolved feelings can accumulate with time, and manifest themselves in unhealthy ways, such as being at a higher risk of heart attacks, strokes, gastrointestinal problems, allergies, autoimmune diseases, and poor or broken relationships.

Hence, containing our emotions is considered to be a healthier approach than suppressing our emotions. If this is something that you struggle with, it may be worth talking to a counsellor.