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Friday, 22 September 2023

[New post] Thoughts On Being Friends and What It Takes To Stay Friends

Site logo image John posted: "One goes through life meeting people through all stages.  Most enter and exit your life at various times for various reasons.  There are some that you are friends with for longer than others.  Should life's permutations cause a shift in your circumstances" Delusions of Adequacy

Thoughts On Being Friends and What It Takes To Stay Friends

John

Sep 22

One goes through life meeting people through all stages.  Most enter and exit your life at various times for various reasons.  There are some that you are friends with for longer than others.  Should life's permutations cause a shift in your circumstances, they may last a while or may drift away.

Almost everyone has a few people however that stand the test of time.  They are relationships based on trust that weather life's storms.  You share your thoughts and dreams before and after and there is a trust that is built between you.  Even though every person has faults and stumbles occasionally (sometimes at your expense), you can forgive these people because of the bond you have built.  The same stumbling can cause one to excommunicate a person from their life, but you hold on to the friend.

Any of the types of friends can range from short acquaintances to life long relationships.  They can have ups and downs with emotions and feelings.  I find that true friends can have a lapse in time between communication, but you can pick up as if no time had elapsed.

FRIENDSHIP IS A 2 WAY STREET.

You can go both ways down a 2 way street.  Conversely, the road only goes in one direction on a one way street.  It is part of the equation for disaster to a friendship.  The friendship will always be open as long as that road is.  It may ebb and flow with respect to how often the road is traveled, but there usually is a welcome mat waiting for you.

Sometimes, like the meme above states, one winds up treating people the way they treat you.  This is a 2 way street, with consequences.  The actions of one at some point overwhelm the other both in a positive or in a negative way.

It's tough when life gets in the way of friendships.

How does the road close?

I am in an athletic club with a person who used to be a good friend.  One day, for reasons she knows the road closed. I never changed with respect to wanting to stay friends and being open to our friendship  One day, the bridge was burned on her side of the street.  Being an avid body language reader, I was quickly able to surmise the reason for this change and with whom else (the body language is too revealing), but since that road goes nowhere now.  I didn't want to confront her and felt no need to explore any further reasons since I know my side of the street remains open.  She was embarrassed and/or ashamed of something she is doing and was afraid to come clean to me.  Since she can't face me with the truth (even though I know what it is) communication ceased.  My life has less complications, but there is a hole where a friendship once stood.

THE SPOUSE ISSUE

I've also seen relationships end over a third party.  This comes in various flavors.  To me, the most fucked up flavor is when a new wife or girlfriend wants a guy to ditch his friends because she doesn't like them.

Either men don't care as much or it isn't as big a priority as this situation doesn't occur with the frequency on a man's perspective of the relationship as it does the females.  For red pill takers, this of course is known as the shit test.  You have to decide which is more important and is this type of behavior going to be acceptable in your relationship or not.  No alpha male is going to put up with it, but since most men aren't alpha's, that friendship goes away a lot of the time.  This is always regrettable when the love relationship is over and the friendship that was before the romance has already been damaged.

Being an introvert, I cherish the real friendships.  I only have a few close friends, but they are friends because I am able to open up and the friend knows that I'll go to the mat for them.  In the case of the bike club, sincerity got tossed out the window over actions.

I look for those loyal friendships and can open up to them.  The others fade away over time.  Some self sort themselves out of your life for various reasons.  As I look back, I'm usually better off without them as I keep and cherish real friendships and forget the faux relationships.

The extroverts I know make a thousand acquaintances and some are friends.

So I am sorry I lost the friendship, but it exposed that perhaps we weren't really friends to begin with, or the basis for our friendship was shaky at best.

Childhood friends

Some of your first friends are a result of proximity.  You live on the same street or go to the same school.  Perhaps you have the same sport or activity that causes you to spend time and notice each other.  Over time, it seems that common interests seem to be the common denominator here.  It might be school, sports, art, hobbies or just that spending time together is the enjoyable part.

Growing up is difficult however.  Social pressure is the fire that tests the purity of these relationships.  Peer pressure is tough on kids.  Being included in a specific group weighs heavy on friendships, especially when one is a part of the group and the other is not.  Some don't let it bother them and remain loyal or are able to split time between the group and the friend.  Others abandon the early friend for the inclusiveness of the group.  Perhaps the basis for that friendship wasn't valid enough to hold it together.

As we go through the pre-college school years, friendships escape proximity and we are

other relationships, spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends (mostly girls)

trust

Treating people like they treat you

good friends

great friends

deep friends

special friends

grieving

losing friends

false friends

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