We are coming up to the 10th anniversary of Sean's death. I wanted to let you know how we are doing. It has been a rocky and rough road. It has not been like a Hallmark movie where a year after the death, people are fine and going on with their lives–but in one way it has been like a Hallmark movie.
For instance: I saw a movie where at the funeral it was said that life and death are a part of life, and tied up with each other, life is a gift, but death is also a gift. Therefore when someone dies, their death is a gift, and as time goes on, it becomes clear what the gift of their death is to each person. I was struck with the truth of this statement.
I think I finally know what the gift of Sean's death has been to me.
Before Sean died, I thought I had life figured out. I thought I was on the right path, and I was pretty judgmental about everyone who was not on the 'right' path. I was very controlling with my children and thought that I was ensuring their futures–that they too would stay on the 'right' path. I put rules over a relationship with God–as if by keeping the "rules", I was good with God, and He would keep my world "safe".
Sean's death has brought me to the end of myself, and to accepting the mysteries of God. I have realized that I am not God, I do not have control, I don't have all the answers, but one of the answers I do have is that God loves us. He loves us. He loves us.
I know this because the Word of God became flesh and dwelt among us, (John 1:14), and His life, death and resurrection are a demonstration of His Love, (Romans 5:8). I know this because He whispers these things in my soul. (Matthew 10:27) I know this because I am part of His flock, and I hear His voice. (John 10:27) He speaks to me through The Holy Scriptures, He speaks to me through other believers, His Holy Spirit lives inside of me, and tells me I am His Child. Romans 8:16
Can you imagine this–that this great God comes and dwells inside of His children? We are His temple?!! (1 Corinthians 6:19) Unimaginable, unbelievable, and yet true!!
God makes us Holy–He exchanges our unrighteousness with His righteousness. 2 Corinthians 5:21 Unimaginable, unbelievable and yet true!!
I have actually witnessed people being transformed by this powerful, loving, grace filled, merciful God. People with all kinds of addictions– alcohol, drugs, sex, food, etc., have experienced freedom from their addictions. Addictions are no longer the idols they are bowing before to be filled, instead they are being filled by the One and True Lord of the Universe.
They weren't transformed by a religion–they were transformed by having a relationship with the almighty, powerful, loving, loving, loving, healing God.
I had put the rules over a relationship. All the rules did was keep me feeling guilty–cause I could never keep them. God has been showing me what a relationship looks like. And there is so much love, there is so much love. There is so much filling. There is so much forgiveness. There is so much power to obey. There is so much freedom! Romans 8
However, it is a walk of faith and not sight, so I am learning not to rely upon my feelings, but rather to trust in Him and His Word.( 2 Corinthians 5:7) I am learning to trust in HIm and His love–which gives me the confidence to present myself to Him, (Romans 12:1,2). Our Lord can be trusted. We can yield ourselves to Him, to His Spirit, and He will fill us. Ephesians 5:18
Sean's death was the catalyst that blew up my world, and I can't really put into words all that I've gained except to repeat the words of the Apostle Paul, "....I count all things as loss, in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord….." Philippians 3:8
May We Be Encouraged!!
***Photos taken by my friend, when she was vacationing on the Mediterranean Sea.
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