"One day at a time is all you have to do."
Sentences which can help turn a trauma victim into a survivor include:
"I believe you"
"It wasn't your fault."
"You didn't cause it."
"You didn't bring it on yourself."
"You didn't deserve this. You did nothing to deserve this."
"This is about them, not you."
"You are not crazy. Your feelings and reactions are normal."
"It's OK to fall apart when you've experienced a trauma like this."
Permissions which can help a trauma victim start on the road to recovery include:
Permission to step back from life, to withdraw and isolate themselves for a while.
Permission to take time out to recuperate.
Permission to withdraw from anything social.
Permission to drop non-essential responsibilities, like volunteering.
Permission not to talk about what happened, and only to share what they want to share with someone they believe they can trust.
Permission to believe they can't trust anyone.
Permission to experience a whole gamut of emotions (Including intense, overwhelming and scary emotions.)
Permission to grapple with all kinds of crazy thoughts – which are irrational, negative, and shocking at times.
Permission to feel that they have lost themselves, and they don't know who they are any more.
Permission to go slowly – or go backwards at times. To be where they are, to accept where they are, and to not know how to change, or go forwards, or heal.
Often, the above are a prerequisite for starting to move on from feeling trapped and stuck, and from being immobilized by pain.
We need to sit in the dark, in that liminal space, in an unhurried way, for as long as it takes.
Only then will we be able to find the strength we need to pick up all the pieces, and rebuild our shattered lives.
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