MAKING MY KING … 1

lionunlimited

Sep 25

Hello again.

I had a long chat with a precious friend who, at that time, was recently married as she shared some of her troubles with me. I have captured that conversation here for you to pick a thing or two.

As a rule, I have made some alterations to protect her identity, and preserved the conversation.

Because it was very long ... over several days, I have split it into a mini-series.

Enjoy.

Q: Hello. Good morning, sir. Please I need your help; I'm losing it in this marriage! I don't know if I will say I have made the worst mistake in my life.
PD: Hello, Sister. How are you?
Q: I'm fine, sir. How's is the family, sir?
PD: We are well, thank you.

Let's start with this, no problem is insurmountable. We just need to find a way. God knows the way.
Q: Alright, sir. I just need someone to talk to, cos I don't know what I'm thinking anymore, sir. I feel like I'm not confident enough to go on again sir

I married an unbeliever without knowing, and we are finding it so difficult to blend. We don't agree on things most times .... it looks like we are neighbours in one house.

PD: What do you mean by unbeliever?

Q: A Church goer, if I may put it that way. I'm ashamed to say it though, but he never takes anything of God serious.

PD: Please, explain.

Q: Ok, sir. Let me put it this way. There's a way a Christian should walk according to the Bible, but I'm not seeing that in my husband. As a head to my home, spiritually, so we are finding it difficult to blend. Having gotten the knowledge of what a Christian home should look like, not just a church goer, but a Christian. So he's just a Sunday church goer, aside that nothing else. Will I say I allowed my emotions to rule me then during courtship?

PD: There's still a lot I need to understand. Maybe giving examples will help me understand what the problem is.
Q: Alright, sir. I'm just trying to see how I can give the example, maybe I should put the question in another way.
PD: When you say he doesn't take things of God seriously, what do you mean?

Q: I mean nothing of the things of God interests him. Prayers seems like a burden to him. Will I say all he believes is just going to church? Aside that, nothing like studying the Bible, or other things in life as a Christian. I want to know how I can balance together with him cos I never knew before until we started living together.
PD: Well, I very much doubt that you didn't know ... or at least suspect that he was not really interested in spiritual things.

Q: We didn't court for long though, and it was a distance one ... so I didn't really know.
PD:
Did you know anything about his family or friends?

Q: I never knew his friends but I knew his brothers through my close cousin. He himself lived in same compound with my classmate's family, and they had good testimonies about him which I simply followed without bothering to check further.

PD: Ok. Let's restart. Are you complaining because you think he is not born-again? Or are you complaining because he is not practicing Christianity the way you think he should?
Q: Yes. I am finding it difficult to respect him that's my challenge.
PD: Because you think he is not spiritual.
Q: Yes, sir.
PD: He doesn't join you in prayers.
Q: No, sir.
PD: At all?
Q: In the first few months sometimes... in it looks like I was forcing him.

PD: Or is it that he doesn't pray with passion like you.
Q: I don't know if it's the reason he stopped joining us. Av asked n no good response.
PD: Us? How many of you?
Q: Sorry I included our baby.
PD: Oh.
Apart from this lack of spiritual fervor, is there anything else that he is not doing right?
Q: He carries out his other responsibilities well.

PD: He provides for the family, good. He attends to whatever needs you have?

Q: Yes, sir.

PD: ... including to your siblings and so on?
Q: No ooo, I take responsibility for that.

PD: Hmmmm. Does he attend to your emotional and sexually desires? Pardon my bluntness, please.
Q: No prob, sir. I will try to be blunt ... if I go to him, yes.
PD: Has he ever refused your sexual advances?
Q: No, sir. But he hardly comes to me … sometimes I'm even confused, because I've always heard that men cannot hold back their sex drive.
PD: Okay. Do you know if he has any prior sexual experience before you?
Q: I remember he had one. He told me, but that was a long time.

PD: What about you? Do you have any prior sexual experience before him?
Q: Apart from when I was assaulted, no. And that was a long time ago too.

PD: Ok. Do you feel satisfied with him sexually?
Q: Yes sir.
PD: Do you think he feels satisfied with you?
Q: I think so.
PD: Ok.
Q: He's not complained though
PD: So, financially you guys are working. And sexually, you are working.
Q: I think so.
PD: Can you clarify?
Q: Sexually speaking, I get tired sometimes since I'm always the one initiating it, it makes me feel he doesn't want me.
PD: I understand. Do you guys talk ... like gist?
Q: Hmmm … that one is another problem, because he's not the talking type. Myself, I am not all that talking type either. In the first few months, things were okay but later, we end up arguing most times. I would say, it doesn't go well as such, especially, as it is that we view things differently because of our background and spirituality.
PD: Okay, my sister. In a relationship, particularly marriage, when it appears that many things are wrong, it is usually just one thing that is wrong.
Q: Ok, sir. In this case now something is actually wrong?
PD: What do you think is wrong?
Q: It might be that we are not compatible.
PD: What does compatibility mean to you?
Q: Hmmm, I would say we don't get along well because of our differences.
PD: Did you expect there to be differences? Or were you expecting that both of you will behave and think in a similar way?
Q: Definitely there will be differences since we are not from same background.
PD: Alright. Now, here's what I'm thinking.

To be continued

Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com