Introducing Kate
Kate is a professional woman in her late 30s. Her world was ripped apart when she unexpectedly discovered her partner's infidelity. This experience of betrayal trauma triggered intense emotions of shock, anxiety, panic, fear, anger, sadness, grief and loss. Kate described her emotions, in the aftermath of this, as "being all over the place".
Kate also struggled with feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness, low self-esteem, and inability to trust herself, her partner or other people.
Kate faced many challenges throughout her recovery journey. Initially, she grappled with the shock and disbelief that Chris could ever have behaved in this way, and could have ever treated her in this way. She found herself continually questioning how trustworthy Chris was, and constantly reviewing and re-evaluating her own perceptions of their relationship.
How Counselling Helped
Kate worked with a therapist who was specifically trained in dealing with betrayal trauma. Some of the counselling interventions which helped Kate with her recovery journey included:
1.The therapist created a safe and non-judgmental space for Kate to express her emotions and share her experiences.
2. The therapist normalized and validated Kate's feelings and reactions. This helped her feel less crazy, less ashamed of her emotions. She also felt that someone heard and understood her pain.
3. The therapist helped Kate to explore and gently process her emotions and beliefs related to betrayal. Over time, Kate was able to challenge faulty beliefs, and especially those related to herself, such as "I am partly to blame. I was inadequate in some way."
Over time, Kate was able to develop a healthier, more accurate, perspective on herself, and on Chris' choices and actions. For example, she reached the place where she was able to say: "I didn't deserve this. This says nothing about me. Chris – and Chris alone - is the one who was at fault."
4. Later on, couples' therapy provided Chris and Kate with a safe place where they could communicate more honestly and freely. They worked hard together on rebuilding trust (which was slow and difficult), rebuilding a meaningful emotional connection, and developing a healthier attachment style.
5. Kate learned to value and prioritize self-care. She started to exercise regularly, scheduled a night out each week with friends, signed up for a French language course, and learned how to practise mindfulness. In addition to helping her to de-stress, this helped Kate regain a sense of agency, self-empowerment and self-confidence.
"No matter how heavy the memories are, and no matter what has happened or what was torn apart, there still is a reason why you made it this far, and why you are still blooming the way you are."
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