"Some days are just hard."
Perhaps you've encountered people who are always telling you to always "look for the good", or to always "focus on the positives". But if you're dealing with betrayal, or a serious loss, toxic positivity won't help you at all. In fact, it might leave you feeling even worse.
What is Toxic Positivity?
According to Psychology Today, "the phrase 'toxic positivity' refers to the concept that keeping positive, and keeping positive only, is the right way to live your life. It means only focusing on positive things and rejecting anything that may trigger negative emotions."
That is, they are dismissive statements which shut the person down, and leave them feeling lonely and misunderstood.
Below are some examples of toxic positivity, and replacement statements which are more validating. These offer hope and comfort to a person who is struggling.
1. Toxic Positivity: "You just have to be positive."
Say Instead: "It's hard to keep going when life is this tough."
2. Toxic Positivity: "It doesn't help to be negative. There's always a silver lining to be found."
Say Instead: "It's normal to feel the way you feel, in a situation like this."
3. Toxic Positivity: "Never give up. You have to keep on going."
Say Instead: "I don't know how you find the strength to keep on going. It's amazing that you're doing as well as you are."
4. Toxic Positivity: "There's always something to be thankful for, even when things are tough."
Say Instead: "It must be hard to see anything good in this. It all looks and feels so senseless."
5. Toxic Positivity: "I'm sure things are not quite as bad as they seem."
Say Instead: "This is really tough. I don't know how you've kept going. I think anyone would find it overwhelming."
6. Toxic Positivity: "There's always someone who has it worse. At least you're not dealing with X or Y."
Say Instead: "This is incredibly painful. I'm here for you. Don't try to shoulder it on your own."
7. Toxic Positivity: "I'm sure it will all work out in the end."
Say Instead: "I can really understand why you're anxious and afraid. Your whole world has been turned upside down."
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