"Call me, it's urgent" pinged on my phone as I was waiting in line at the International terminal to board my flight to Bali.
Urgent.
That one word can be interpreted in so many different ways by so many people.
Urgency to me (getting a donut before the flight because I know they won't do meal service for a good 2 hours) may not be urgent to someone else.
Urgent to David - the guy messaging me - could mean a whole number of things and none of them was going to be good.
Because David is a generally good guy, a creative artist with his intricate drawings, a tuneful singer, a surprising voice of encouragement when a friend needs it…and a drug addict.
I don't know what drugs David is addicted to. I haven't asked because I don't think it's my business. I know that it's been bad enough for David's wife to leave him and he was so deep into whatever drugs he's taking that not far from the divorce going through, he lost part-time custody of his son, too.
David was coasting along okay there for a while but is now homeless and sleeping in his car.
So when I saw his message on my phone just as I was about to step over the threshold of real life and holiday sunshine on a tropical island, all I felt was dread.
This is harshing my holiday buzz. I can't deal with this right now.
I put my phone in my pocket - messaged unanswered which is incredibly rare for me - and concentrated on showing the Air Asia hostess my passport and boarding ticket.
I felt my phone ping again a few times - insistent. I continued ignoring it.
Once I'd landed safely in Bali and could catch my breath in my beautifully appointed hotel room, I opened David's messages.
"Hey, do you think I could stay at your place for a little while?" he'd asked; "I'm sleeping my car right now and don't have anywhere else to go."
JD - What would Jesus do?
He'd probably say "of course" and send a hasty text to Alun to warn him of an upcoming house guest (hide everything of value, Alun) and send David the address.
But I am not Jesus.
I don't think I'm even half the amazing Christian I used to be back in the days of first meeting David - when he was clean and attending Church Youth group. We were all so innocent back then and we'd formed tight friendships that to this day - 20 years later - are still very much in place.
Here are my thoughts:
1) I don't want to put Alun into any danger. In my experience with addicts, they aren't sole problems - they know people who know other people that they all owe money to. Dangerous people. I don't want that around Alun.
2) As much as I want to provide a roof over David's head and comfortable guest room, I'm not willing to take the risk of being robbed by someone who has been eaten away by drugs. I believe David's not able to think rationally while on drugs and someone like that doesn't see reason; he's focused on getting the next fix and isn't likely to worry that Alun or I will get hurt in the process.
But the people-pleaser in me, mixed strongly in with the Christian in me - can't just say "sorry, no". I have to do something.
I demand a lot of myself as a friend and now the demand was asking me to put my money where my mouth was.
Was I going to be a good friend or not?
I wasn't going to put Alun in danger so I messaged David that because of my love for Alun and my priority being his safety first, that he couldn't stay at our house.
David promised Alun wouldn't be in any danger.
That promise held no weight and I repeated my previous boundaries.
However, I had to do something. I can't leave a friend in need empty handed. That's not who I am.
The compromise I settled on was sending David half of my holiday money.
I told him I could wire across half of it and choose the 'instant transfer' option my bank has so he'd have money to buy food and probably (if he used it wisely which I was highly doubting) get a room in a hostel for a week within moments of me hitting 'send'.
"Thanks, Janet - you've saved me" David messaged.
Feeling like I'd made Jesus happy, I put my phone away and didn't think of it again until right now.
I'm wondering if I did enough. Or have I been a chump and an idiot by sending money in the first place. I think we all know where that money is going to go and it's not going to be used on food or a cheap Hostel.
I'm second-guessing myself. Should I have sent more money? What do I do in a week from now (or sooner?) when David asks again for somewhere to stay?
How many times can I give before I draw the line and say "no"?
What would Jesus do in this situation? I think Jesus would heal David's addiction.
I can't do that, I don't have the tools for it.
All I can do is face each request as it comes and do my best to have integrity but not be a gullible fool.
That has to be enough.
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