It's Times Like These…

Feminina O'Ladybrain

Aug 31

Minor spoilers for side quests in the Dragonspear expansion to Baldur's Gate

Butch:

Got anything?

Feminina:

I took all the loot I could carry, plus the souls of my deceased companions, and went back to camp. Got them resurrected, gave them back their gear, sold some other gear to that extra-planar guy I summoned with the spectacles (which are now out of charges, although I keep seeing things I COULD pull into our plane if only they still worked).

Then I wandered around camp tying up loose ends: gave the bark cure to the sick soldiers, gave the dwarf his bearskin boots, confronted the spy, etc.

Then went back to the woods, told the good druids I'd defeated the bad druid, convinced Julann and what's-his-name, the other Minsc and Dynaheir, to go home, drank a potion of persuasion before I talked to the drow about their missing kids and sent them away (I tried having Safana talk to them instead of me because her charisma is higher and it did not work, so I don't know, maybe that trick doesn't count for drow), and picked up all the bodies in the cave so I can go throw them into the fugue plane (thank you).

I also picked up the quest items I'd abandoned in the dark wizard cave, since they had not vanished with all the rest of the loot I couldn't carry. Sadly, although the gem bags were still there, the magical jewelry I'd left inside them was not, so people don't have their magic rings and stuff, but damn it, I can't go back through all this again, so whatever.

But I picked up and placed the Barrel of Bwoosh, and as you say, nothing really happened except we got a lot of XP.

Then it was time for bed.

Butch:

Hey! That's progress! And you didn't encounter any game breaking bugs!

I'm not sure what the bucket of Bwoosh is all about, really.

You're only one or two sessions behind me! If you don't encounter bugs. And you win some fights. And I have to pick up Junior at work today so no games! You'll be with me in no time!

If you don't encounter bugs. And win fights.

Feminina:

OK. Right. On it. Win fights, no bugs.

It's gonna be great.

Butch:

Sort of distilled games down to their essence, there, didn't I?

Feminina:

Helpful loadscreen tips for the ages.

Butch:

We need to move things along. We've been reduced to things so obvious they couldn't make a load screen. Remember when we were smart?

Feminina:

We ARE smart! It's the games that got stupid. Ha.

No, it's not stupid, we're just getting impatient.

Although not too impatient to make sure a certain dwarf gets his lucky boots.

Butch:

Well, no one is ever THAT impatient.

Though I did drop the ball on Minsc. And Glint. And those bodies. What happened with those bodies?

Feminina:

I don't know yet -- I only picked them up (or made Minsc with a potion of fire giant strength pick them up), I haven't gotten them to the fugue chasm. I'll do that tonight!

I'm sure it will be very exciting.

Butch:

I bet it will lead to nudity and I completely missed it.

It'll open a secret door to a all nude male lizard revue. You never know.

Feminina:

The faint hope of that is really what drives me to complete every single quest I ever finish.

I mean, that and loot.

Butch:

Just keep bloggin' on it until a developer takes note. It's all we can do.

Feminina:

All we can do.

And let it never be said I faltered in that mission.

Butch:

You are truly the hero naked lizards need in these trying times.

Feminina:

Aw, shucks, I'm no hero. I'm just a regular person who loves America, apple pie, puppy dogs, and heavily-armored-later-nude lizards wrapped in moldy flags.

Excuse me, I'm getting a little emotional.

Butch:

[Stands straight. Solemnly salutes.]

Feminina:

Someday.

Someday the All Nude Hot Man 'n Lizard Revue will have its time. And what a wonderful time it will be.

Butch:

[The Battle Hymn of the Republic starts playing quietly in the background. It grows louder.]

Feminina:

[Choked voice, single tear on cheek]

I love this damn blog, man.

[Sniffle]