Last week I openly and with a lot of dignity and transparency told my boss I needed time off because of my mental health.
"Laurie" assured me it was all okay. "Your mental health is the most important thing - take that time off and come back fresh and ready for the rest of the year" was the last thing she said to me.
So I flew to Bali thinking everything was going to get better.
All day today I've switched between doing housework and resting, trying to get into a positive mindframe for work on Monday.
At 4:30pm my agency rings. They never ring. Sumara said something vague like "they just don't feel they need the extra administration support now, Janet - so they'd like you to leave."
On the 3 months leading up to my mental breakdown, I'd been filling 3 roles and it was burnout that made me want to take a week off to recover. I was filling those roles because we were so short staffed.
How has that changed in 5 days?
Why couldn't they tell me earlier???
Leaving it until the last hour on Friday means I was unable to contact other agencies and ask for a new job. I consider that a low blow from my now ex-employers.
I consider this an extremely personal attack because I'd been in the role for 6 months (!!!) without any negative feedback until I opened up about my mental illness. Now suddenly I'm not needed?
I have to go in on Monday and pack my desk up. I know the other Administrators will be pretending not to watch me but they'll all be eyeing me up as I shove things into an empty shopping bag. I'm already dreading it. The heavy weight of shame. The way people's eyes will skitter away when I try to make eye contact with them.
I don't know what happened or what I did to deserve this.
As an automatic reflex, I've updated my CV and sent it out to 4 well-known recruitment agencies. I've told them all I'm available immediately.
Luckily I put $1000 into my savings when I got this year's tax return and even after the Bali holiday (because Alun paid for flights and the hotel), I have $1000 in my account. I'm going to be okay for another few weeks. I'm praying it won't take that long to get a job - I will literally take anything they offer.
I'm reeling. I'm angry. I'm shocked and I'm hurt.
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