Think about generational strongholds for a moment. Describe why they could be hard to recognize.
"Familiarity becomes normalcy; we don't realize how abnormal certain behaviors, attitudes, schedules, environmental elements, etc., are because they are normal within our family. It is very easy for abnormal to feel normal because it is familiar."
Briefly describe another possible scenario of generational bondage – perhaps one you witnessed personally.
"Charles has sacrificed to save so he and Helen can buy a house and settle in before the baby arrives in February. In October, the stock market collapses, and by the time he arrives at his bank there is no money left in it. They rent for five more years while he re-saves. He spends the rest of his life scrimping so he can die a millionaire rather than ever have to 'pick shit with the chickens.' His daughter follows his lead, and even in retirement is only content when she is making more than she is spending."
What might be a right reason or attitude for looking back at family history, and what would be a wrong reason?
"'Those who don't understand the past are doomed to repeat it' – we should look back to better understand who we are, and how we got this way. We mustn't do it just to blame all our weaknesses on somebody else."
What is your relationship to the lineage recorded in Matthew 1?
"I am Abraham's seed and heir, according to the promise."
·My share in life has been pleasant [L The boundary lines fall for me in pleasant places]; my ·part [inheritance] has been beautiful.
Psalm 16:6, Expanded Bible
In response to the realization of your lineage in Christ, on family line, how do you feel about the words of Psalm 16:6?
"Amen! For me, it is doubly true: in my biological family, and in my spiritual family."
Recall the five benefits of our covenant relationship with Christ:
– "To know God and believe Him
– "To glorify God
– "To find satisfaction in God
– "To experience God's peace
– "To enjoy God's presence"
Fill in the diagrams below, describing both the positive and negative influences from your grandparents and parents. If you never knew your parents or grandparents, substitute the caregivers you have experienced.
Maternal grandparents (Brunners)
Grandfather (Charles)
Positive Influence
– "A fun-loving man with a strong, unforgettable presence
– "exceptional work ethic
– "extremely frugal"
Negative influence
"An anti-church nonbeliever, and stumbling block for my mother (also, had a poverty-phobia)"
Grandmother (Helen)
Positive Influence
"(about 850 wonderful days – approximately 250 summer and 600 winter)"
"Christ-following, hard working, 'domestic goddess,' great playmate, patient, loving, kind, concerned and even fearful for me, amazing work ethic, very thrifty"
Negative influence
"Set an impossibly high standard (June Cleaver-like)"
Paternal grandparents (Sanders)
Grandfather
Positive Influence
– "A trusted and respected figure in the community (known as 'Doc' Sanders)
– "exceptional work ethic"
Negative influence
– "had strong opinions about social standings/classes, and even about the institution of marriage"
– "wasn't always setting the best example for his kids."
Grandmother
Positive Influence
– "Also a beloved figure in the community (the Cake Lady)
– "loving, kind, pretty good playmate, good cook"
Negative influence
"Seemed less huggable than Grandma Brunner"
Mother (Jo Ann)
Positive Influence
"Loving, affectionate, creative, extremely honest – an open book, pragmatic with no room for foolish modesties, or any folderol, loves stories, loves games – a great playmate, works hard and saves money"
Negative influence
– "cultural Christian
– "nearly impossible to fully please, or to equal in ability and productivity
– "not a lot of sense of humor
– "tends to 'wear the pants'"
Father (Bill)
Positive Influence
"Loving, affectionate, creative, great sense of humor, easy to talk to, great back scratcher, fun to watch movies with, and willing to play games, taught me what to want/demand for myself for my husband, and that I'm worth it (i.e., taught me self-respect), works hard and saves money"
"(Both [of my parents] gave me a strong sense of self-worth and feeling of being very special and important – I was their miracle baby)"
Negative influence
– "cultural Christian
– "smoked culturally until 1980 or so
– "occasionally drank in secret
– "also unreachably talented and productive
– "keeps everything"
Can you think of any reasons why the negatives may have been present in either your grandparents' or parents' lives?
"Yes; Grandpa Brunner's dad, a liquor distributor, left his church in a huff when Grandpa was a boy after the preacher preached against the evils of alcohol. 'Pa' also lost a lot of money in a bank and started over with a baby on the way."
Today have you recognized any ancient ruins in the last few generations? If so, what are they?
"Mostly just a strong, hard-working approach to everything secular and not as much spiritual – though my parents have done much more in recent years, and Grandma Brunner did have both (Actually, my mom was at times jealous of grandma's hours of church work)."
Dearest Rachel -
In one of your most intensive homework sessions, you give a fairly in-depth look at your family, and the foundational basis they imparted to you – complete with the strong suggestion that these attributes, both good and bad, shaped you into the person you had become.
I confess that I had planned to name every one of your ancestors, but quickly realized I couldn't remember either of your paternal grandparents' names. Granted, part of this was the minimal role your grandfather played in your life, passing away mere hours before you were both (the fact that you were destined to have been named Matthew had you been born a boy suggests that this was his name, but maybe that would have been too on-the-nose for your parents to do, given the circumstances). Clearly, you were closer to your mother's family in all ways but geography, and while your aunt played a role in your childhood, it far outweighed that of her parents.
Right from the start, you point out something that most people would agree with upon giving the statement a measure of thought, but which is rarely obvious without it being stated outright; the fact that we all have our own idea of what 'normal' is – that is, what we, personally, are familiar with, regardless of whether it truly is 'normal' among families within our certain cultural milieu. One interesting example of this is what you consider to be positive and negative traits. Even though you speak disparagingly of your grandfather's phobia toward poverty – including how it happened, and that he passed it on to your mother – you consider traits such as 'thrifty' and 'frugal' to be positive ones despite that. By contrast, while thrift would still be an admirable quality from my own experience (my Dad would often tell me to get the second-best of any item offered for sale – the difference in quality or amenities between it and the top grade almost never makes up for the difference in price), frugality was usually described as 'being tight' by my family, and was virtually considered to be a cardinal sin. Thankfully, it would seem that a lack of generosity was not a trait you inherited from your family; misers are made, not born.
Another curious entry you listed consistently among your female ancestors was as to how good of a playmate they were with you. This isn't a criteria I would even think of, if I were asked to assemble this, but it was clearly something you considered important – and, while I wasn't always there to see it at home during the day, I imagine you tried to be that 'good playmate' to Daniel as well. I'd say you were for me, too, but that could be interpreted rather differently in that context.
One last note (and there could be much more, given the material you supply; you really didn't hold back on your family, honey); I don't know if the note you wrote here was what spurred you on to start talking more frequently with your parents about their faith (or lack thereof), or if you were already well into that process at this point, but I know you were concerned about their immortal state for a very long time as they declined. Their mutual status as 'cultural Christians' bothered you; if they merely were going through the motions for the sake of looking good (or even 'normal') rather than truly believing, that did not bode well for their eternity. We found some suggestions that they may have had stronger faith at some point before your time, but I suppose that you know where they stand now; I certainly can't speak for them.
Anyway, it's clear that even the negative attributes can have a positive effect, as they show what one should not be as a part of one's life.
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