The Change. Menopause. Loss of Fertility.
Doesn't matter what you call it, it amounts to the same thing… it's the end of a part of what has been for most women, a painful, emotional rollercoaster, worrying about being pregnant or not being pregnant, fitting or not fitting into clothes depending on what time of the month it is… I could go on.
Menopause can be a hot, sticky, sweaty, hormonal ride but if you focus only on those, you are going to make it hard for yourself and those around you. Let's try and raise the profile of the positives of menopause…
Just in case there are any men reading this, I am going to be a little blunt here... your woman, your girlfriend, your lover, your friend, daughter, sister, mother, any female you have ever and will ever know, goes through years and years and years of hormonal 'nonsense' to enable this world to continue - without this hormonal, snarky mess of a woman life on earth stops - acknowledge this amazing woman please gentlemen.
Do not fear it, educate yourself, be patient, understanding and above all, respect the woman that stands before you and says she feels fat, bites your head off one minute and loves you the next, drips sweat around the house or is in pain and sits with a hot water bottle on her belly... she goes through so much and deserves more than rolling of eyes, joking down the pub with your mates about the fact "she's on one today" or simply thinking she is changing and moving away from the woman you once knew - yes she is - fact. That doesn't mean you can't travel with her.
Yes, I know that I swept all men into one category then and I sort of apologise but the guys who don't fit into this group are already aware and doing what women need, so I guess I am talking to that group, so no, no apologies.
Where Did The Child Go?
As female children we play, we sing, we dance, we have dreams, we have innocence and most of all, we have fun. Then we bleed, get cramps, no one seems to recognise us anymore, including ourselves, and all that we were appears to have gone. And this goes on, and on, and on. Some get it easy, some plough through and some have the most horrendous time, not just with raging hormones and powerful bleeding or debilitating cramps, but lack of fertility to do what some see as a woman's 'purpose', to get pregnant and continue the human race.
For reference, I am not going to even tread on the toes of that statement 'a woman's purpose' as that will take me down a long, dark rabbit hole that is best left to another time. Let us on this occasion, just take it as read that a woman goes through life with the ability, if she so chooses, to procreate a new generation of humans.
To do this her body needs to morph from a child to a woman. For some that is as early as 9/10 and for some much, much later. So if we take 10 as the age her periods begin and 45 when she hits peri menopause, that is 35 years of periods, month in, month out. Blood loss. Cramps. Raging hormones that are not controllable, and of course, the "am I late" question. For some, the scariest question of all which in itself can create life changing moments, especially if the circumstances aren't conducive to celebration of the fact.
All of this and we still become the butt of comments, jokes, frustration and even anger... education, education, education please...
And then we meet The Change head on... this is the end of being fertile, no longer able to enact our "purpose", thrown out of society for being too old, too hot, too sweaty, too forgetful, too "foggy" in our brains to take on new responsibilities at work so 'please take a back seat and let the younger ones through'. We are shoved through this door clearly labelled "WOMEN ONLY" (and there is suddenly no gender confusion there) and left to fend for ourselves in this support free and understanding void that is MENOPAUSE.
But... there is life during and after the menopause. Yes! Yes! Yes! Come with me and see.
The Crone's Weeping… or is she?
As she sits, looking back at who she was, where she had been and who she had spent time with, she weeps. Not with tears from her eyes but from inside. She is hot, her internal combustion engine bursting into life and creating a fire inside but not one she welcomes. As she sits, her body weeps and she doesn't always understand why.
Deep down the Crone knows she had just reached a point in her life where she has stepped into her power. She no longer worries about speaking her mind; she no longer worries what others think of her, her words or her actions; she no longer needs someone in her life to advise, act as her voice, hearing or sight and in fact she is more than happy to stand alone, strong, courageous and fearless and yet her body still weeps.
The tears can flow from her at all times of the day, usually when least expected or wanted. Sometimes just heat and sometimes with the flowing tears. The desire or need to shower or change are constantly with her and she wishes this time gone and yet….
…no longer the girl, no longer with the chance of being a mother; she stands tall and proud, interacting with her new self with joy, dignity and power as the Crone. Once she was the free and happy girl, then the woman expected to create a new generation and now, she is back to the girl she was, free, happy and nothing is impossible. It is time to rediscover the woman she once thought she would be.
This woman isn't fearful of grey hair and wrinkles; she doesn't fear the young girls stepping into the spotlight of life; she doesn't fear the final stage of death. She is woman. She is all she has ever been and she is beautiful. The Crone is a wise woman who is happy to share her life experience to those who wish to hear and those who listen can feel the emotion and the power emanating from her. No longer "just mum, just the woman in the street, just the old woman who has nothing to say".
They see this woman and they know she is something special and has something most important to say to them. They listen and they learn and in that they grow. It is how it has always been – learning, growing, passing on the knowledge to those who wish to follow.
She has taken her claim on life and she is living it. For some this is the beginning of the most important journey they will take, for some it is hard work and with a lack of understanding they fight against these changes, but for most it is glorious, it is energy, it is freedom, it is a stage in life that is to be experienced and revered – as is she. Embracing change, defining all that is exquisite, taking control of what she wants from this final stage in her existence, and loving every single minute of it.
She wants and she knows that she deserves only the best of everything. Whether that is man, woman, sex, partying, travelling, loving, exploring her life, herself, her world or expanding into areas of life that she never knew she could. Making her mark with a bold, confident step, her head held high and despite the changes and the weeping of her body, in her heart and in her mind she knows exactly who she is and she embraces her.
The Change is Painful
The Change... oh it is painful on many levels, some of which only another woman will understand, but all change is painful isn't it, that is how we grow and become; become more.
If you love the Crone, this wise, courageous, beautiful woman; whether you are her, her offspring, her life choice or her friend; know you are witnessing something so beautiful evolving in front of your eyes that you should stand in awe, with respect and in celebration of all she is becoming, all she has given and all she is yet to become. Be amazed and simply accept and love the woman she is becoming, because she is becoming one hell of a woman.
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