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"One reason for not giving up, not quitting, is that the great tales are told about those who refused to surrender - those who ventured forward in hope...
Real heroism... requires us to struggle with hope, yet without the assurance of victory."
―Ralph C. Woods
It has been close to three years since I had been wishing upon a star, hoping for a miracle. A life-changing experience that would rattle the core of my very own being. A re-direction on the path I was always destined to tread upon. I had vowed to pen down this testimony, had my prayer been answered. Behold! A blessing delayed yet bestowed upon me at divine timing. Due to the nature of the testimony being personal, I shall not divulge the details. But all I can say is, here I stand (sit) before you, an eyewitness to the unyielding power of perseverance.
With years of pent-up emotions unaddressed, it was time for unfolding and purging to take centre stage. Reduced to a hollow silhouette in the dark, I was an unrecognizable figure to myself. A lot had to be unlearned for relearning to follow suit. It's like a camera film developing pictures in a dark room. No reshoots. No filters. Just plain old life served to you in its rawest form. Honestly, a picture I wasn't too keen on peering at. A sense of dismay succeeded upon the realization that I was the antagonist in my very own story. A narrative I was oh-so eager to change.
But change has its own pace. Its own ugly revelations. Personalities you weren't aware of. Traits you fought so hard to dismiss. Patterns you chose to overlook. A clear reflection of who you never aspired to be. I would spend dreary nights speaking (ranting) to God. Was He even listening? Was I deserving of all this pain? My faith wavered many a time, yet I would light the candle for just one more night. So, what brought about the obvious difference? What manifested the desired change in me? A willingness to be broken down in order to be built right up again. A willingness to admit to my mistakes and choices. A willingness to take utter responsibility and accountability for my thoughts, emotions, and actions. Change is painful. Oh man, it really is.
A major chunk of the lessons derived from the people in my life. Not every person who smil(i)es (through their teeth) at you is your friend. "The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies"? A life lesson etched on my memory for good. Nevertheless, I did meet wonderful, respectful souls, too. I choose to focus on them. Although my close ones continued their unrelenting support towards me, it was a special set of people who kept me going forward. The naysayers. The haters. The non-believers. Every insult. Every backhanded compliment. Every ruthless, insensitive action only served as the fuel that stoked the raging fire in me. A challenge I knew I had to win at all costs.
Life gave me a multitude of reasons to harden my heart. But what good does donning one's body armour do when one hasn't felt the warmth of a pure heart? It is only through trial and error do we understand ourselves as well as others. A chance to be better and do better. An opportunity to correct our mindset and personality. There are times when you need to put your foot down and honour yourself first. If you find a way to get your life back on track, you give it your all. End of story (no, really, we've arrived at the end). Lots more to learn. Lots more to explore. My north star will continue to point me towards the person I was born to be. Where do you hope yours points towards?
© 2023 Lilly S.D.
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