Sorrow for Sin (Katanyxis, "Compunction")
1. Abba Antony said, "With fear of God before our eyes, let us ever be mindful of death. Let us hate the world and all that is in it. Let us hate all physical repose. Let us renounce this life so we can live for God, for he will expect that of us on the Day of Judgment. Let us hunger and thirst, endure nakedness, keep watch, lament, and sigh in our hearts. Let us examine ourselves [to see] whether we have become worthy of God. Let us love affliction so we can find God. Let us despise the flesh so that our soul can be saved." (Anthony 33)
Abba Antonius mendesak kita untuk memperhatikan kematian, membenci dunia dan segala isinya, meninggalkan kehidupan ini, lapar dan haus, menahan ketelanjangan, berjaga-jaga, meratap, dan berduka di dalam hati, menguji diri kita sendiri, mencintai penderitaan, dan membenci kedagingan agar jiwa kita dapat diselamatkan.
2. He also said, "While staying in the cell, collect your mind; remember the day of death; behold the subsequent decomposition of the body; consider the misfortune; accept the pain; condemn the vanity of the world; be attentive to due proportion and zeal that you might be able ever to remain in the same intended hesychia with-out weakening. Keep in mind, too, the state of things in Hades and think what it is like for the souls who are therein: in what most bitter silence, amidst what most horrid groaning, in what great fear and agony, in what ap-prehension as they anticipate the unrelenting torment or the eternal and internal weeping. But remember too the day of resurrection and of [our] appearing before God." (Evagrius 1)
Selama berada di dalam sel, penting untuk mengingat hari kematian, pembusukan tubuh, kemalangan, rasa sakit, dan kesia-siaan dunia. Penting juga untuk mengingat keadaan di Hades, dan untuk mengantisipasi siksaan yang tak henti-hentinya atau tangisan yang kekal dan internal.
3. They used to say of Abba Arsenius that all his life long, when he was sitting, working with his hands, he had a rag on his lap on account of the tears falling from his eyes. (Arsenius 41)
Mereka mengatakan tentang Abba Arsenius bahwa sepanjang hidupnya, ketika dia duduk, bekerja dengan tangannya, dia memiliki kain di pangkuannya karena air mata yang jatuh dari matanya.
4. A brother asked Abba Ammonas, "Utter a saying for me." The elder said, "Go and frame your mind the way the evildoers who are in prison do, for they are asking people, 'Where is the governor and when is he coming?' and weeping in expectation. This is how the monk should pay heed all the time and be reproaching his soul, saying, 'O me! How can I stand before the judgment seat of Christ, and how can I speak in my defense?' If you deliberate like this all the time, you can be saved." (Ammonas 1)
Seorang saudara bertanya kepada Abba Amonas tentang sebuah nasihat. Penatua itu menyarankan untuk membingkai pikiran seseorang seperti narapidana di penjara, bertanya tentang kedatangan gubernur dan menangis. Seorang biarawan harus memperhatikan dan mencela jiwa mereka, bertanya bagaimana cara berdiri di hadapan kursi pengadilan Kristus dan membela diri. Pendekatan yang disengaja ini dapat menuntun pada keselamatan.
5. Abba Theodore said, "When you are sitting in your cell, focus your mind and remember that you are to appear before God. Imagine that fearful and terrifying judgment, then add to it what is in store for sinners: shame in the presence of God and his Christ and of angels, archangels, powers, and all people, all the punishments, 'the fire that is not quenched' and the 'worm that dies not' [Mark 9:48], Tartarus, darkness, and above all these, 'the gnashing of teeth' [Matt 8:12] and the fears and the tortures. Then go on and bring forward the good things in store for the righteous: ready access to God the Father and his Christ and to angels, archangels, powers, and the entire community, the kingdom and its gifts, its delight, and its enjoyment. Represent the memory of each of these to yourself; groan and weep over the condemnation of the sinners; put on an appearance of mourning, fearing that you too might be of their number. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad over the good things in store for the righteous; make an effort to delight in these, but be alienated from those others. Take care that the remembrance of these things is never lost to you (whether you are in the cell or out of it), and do not divert your mind from them, in order to escape from filthy and harmful logismoi through them." (Evagrius 1)
Abba Theodore menyarankan untuk duduk di dalam sel untuk fokus menghadap Allah dan penghakiman yang menakutkan yang menanti para pendosa. Dia menekankan penghukuman, dan pengalaman yang menakutkan bagi orang-orang berdosa, seperti rasa malu, Tartarus, kegelapan, dan kertak gigi. Ia juga menyoroti hal-hal yang baik bagi orang benar, seperti jalan masuk kepada Allah, Kristus, malaikat, penghulu malaikat, kuasa, dan kerajaan. Ia menasihatkan untuk mengingat hal-hal ini, mengeluh dan menangis atas penghukuman bagi orang-orang berdosa, dan bersukacita atas hal-hal yang baik bagi orang-orang benar. Ia menasihati agar tidak melupakan hal-hal ini, dan agar tidak mengalihkan pikiran dari hal-hal tersebut untuk menghindari logismoi (pikiran jahat) yang berbahaya.
6. Abba Elijah said, "I am afraid of three things: when my soul is going to exit the body, when I am going to meet God, and when the sentence is going to be given against me." (Elijah 1)
Abba Elia mengungkapkan rasa takut akan keluarnya jiwa, bertemu dengan Tuhan, dan menghadapi hukuman atas dirinya.
7. Abba Isaiah said, "He who is in hesychia must hold fear of God and of meeting with him more immediately than his breath. Insofar as sin holds sway in his heart, fear of God has not yet come upon him." (Isaiah 25.6)
Abba Yesaya menasihati mereka yang mengalami hesychia untuk memiliki rasa takut akan Tuhan dan bertemu dengan-Nya lebih dari sekadar nafas mereka, karena dosa masih menguasai hati mereka.
8. Abba Peter, the disciple of Abba Isaiah, said, "I visited him when he was sick and found him suffering badly. When he saw me sorrowing, he said to me, 'What affliction is it when I have an expectation of repose? Yet fear of that darkest hour grips me, when I am cast away from the face of God and there will be neither anybody to answer for me nor any expectation of repose.'" (Isaiah 25.32)
Abba Petrus, seorang murid Abba Yesaya, menyaksikan penderitaan Abba Yesaya dan bertanya kepadanya tentang penderitaannya yang takut akan saat-saat tergelap, di mana ia dijauhkan dari Tuhan dan tidak memiliki harapan akan ketenangan.
9. He also said, "Another time I went to him and found him gravely ill. When he perceived the sorrow of my heart, he said to me, 'At death's door with these disor-ders, let me be able to be mindful of that bitter hour, for the health of "the flesh of this death" [see Rom 7:24] is no advantage: the body seeks health in order to turn away from God. Does the root of a tree that is watered every day ever die away so that it bears no fruit?'" (Isaiah 26.4)
Ia mengunjungi seorang teman yang sakit dan ia diingatkan akan kesedihannya. Dia mendorongnya untuk menyadari saat-saat pahit, ketika tubuh mencari kesehatan untuk berpaling dari Allah.
10. Abba Peter said, "I asked him, 'What is fear of God?' and he said to me, 'A person who trusts in any-body who is not God, that person does not have fear of God in himself.'" (Isaiah 26.4)
Abba Petrus menjelaskan bahwa rasa takut akan Tuhan tidak melekat pada seseorang yang percaya pada orang lain, melainkan pada iman mereka sendiri.
11. He also said of Communion, "O me! For I am with the enemies of God even while I am making my Com-munion. What kind of communion do I have with him? I partake of my own judgment and condemnation [see 1 Cor 11:29]. We say this phrase: 'Holy for the holy,' meaning, 'The holy [bread and wine] for the holy people.' So if I am holy, the enemies lack the strength to do anything to me." (Isaiah 26.4)
Dia menyatakan bahwa dia bersama dengan musuh-musuh Allah selama perjamuan kudus, mengambil bagian dalam penghakiman dan penghukumannya sendiri. Ia menekankan pentingnya menjadi kudus bagi orang-orang kudus, dengan menyatakan bahwa jika ia kudus, musuh-musuhnya tidak memiliki kekuatan untuk menyakitinya.
12. Abba Isaiah said, "O me, O me! For I did not struggle to save myself. O me, O me! For I did not struggle to purify myself in order to be made worthy of the intervention of God of Mercy. O me O me! For I did not struggle to overcome the onslaughts of your enemies so that you might reign over me." (Isaiah 26.4)
Abba Yesaya memuji dirinya sendiri karena tidak berjuang untuk menyelamatkan dirinya sendiri, menyucikan diri, atau mengalahkan musuh-musuh atas campur tangan Allah yang penuh belas kasihan, dengan menyatakan, "O aku, o aku!"
13. He also said, "O me! For I have been invested with your name, and I am serving your enemies. O me, O me! For I do what God abhors; that is why he is not healing me." (Isaiah 26.4)
Dia berkata, "Saya berinvestasi dengan nama-Mu dan melayani musuh-musuh-Mu, dan oleh karena itu Tuhan tidak menyembuhkan saya karena apa yang saya lakukan."
14. He also said, "O me, O me! For there are those before me who are accusing me of [faults] of which I am aware and unaware, and I am unable to repudiate them. O me, O me! How can I meet my Lord and his holy ones when my enemies do not allow that [even] one of my members is pure in the sight of God?" (Isaiah 26.4)
Dia menghadapi tuduhan-tuduhan kesalahan yang tidak dia sadari dan tidak dapat dia sangkal. Dia berjuang untuk bertemu dengan Tuhan dan orang-orang kudus, karena musuh-musuhnya menyangkal bahwa bahkan salah satu anggotanya pun adalah suci di mata Tuhan.
15. When the blessed Archbishop Theophilus was at the point of death, he said, "Blessed are you, Abba Arsenius, for you were ever mindful of this hour." (Theophilus 5)
Uskup Agung Theophilus memuji Abba Arsenius karena sadar akan saat kematian.
16. The fathers said that once when the brothers were eating at an agape, one of the brothers laughed at table. Abba John wept when he saw him, saying, "What on earth can that brother have in his heart that he laughed when he should rather have wept, since he is eating at an agape?" (John Colobos 9)
Para bapa menceritakan suatu waktu ketika saudara-saudara sedang makan bersama di sebuah perjamuan, seorang saudara tertawa. Abba Yohanes menangis ketika melihatnya, mempertanyakan kemampuan hatinya untuk tertawa ketika ia seharusnya menangis.
17. Abba James said, "Just as a lamp in a darkened chamber illuminates it, so the fear of God, if it comes into a person's heart, illuminates him and teaches all the virtues and the commandments of God." (James 3)
Abba Yakobus menekankan bahwa takut akan Tuhan menerangi hati seseorang, mengajarkan kebajikan dan perintah-perintah, sama seperti lampu yang menerangi ruangan yang gelap.
18. Some of the fathers asked Abba Macarius the Egyptian, "How is it that your body is emaciated both when you are eating and when you are fasting?" The elder said to them, "The stick used to poke the burning twigs is wholly eaten up by the fire. Likewise, if a person cleanses his own mind in the fear of God, the fear of God itself eats up his bones." (Macarius the Great 12)
Abba Makarius, seorang filsuf Mesir, menjelaskan bahwa tubuh menjadi kurus saat makan dan berpuasa disebabkan oleh ranting-ranting yang terbakar dan rasa takut akan Tuhan. Dia percaya bahwa membersihkan diri dalam ketakutan akan Tuhan akan memakan tulang-tulang mereka, seperti halnya ketakutan akan Tuhan itu sendiri.
19. They told of Abba Macarius the Great that one day when he was walking around in the desert, he found the skull of a dead person thrown on the ground. [The elder] prodded it with his palm staff and said, "You, who are you? Answer me!" and the skull spoke to him, saying, "I was the high priest of the pagans who inhabited this place, and you are the spirit-bearing Abba Macarius. Whenever you feel compassion for those in chastisement, they are a little relieved." Abba Macarius said to him, "Relieved in what way?" The skull said to him, "There is as much fire beneath our feet and heads as the sky is distant from the earth. Stationed in the midst of the fire, it is not possible to see each other face to face, being glued back to back. When you pray for us, one has a partial glimpse of the face of the other." Weeping, the elder said, "Sad was the day in which a person was born if this is the relief of the chastisement!"1 The elder said to him again, "Is there another punishment worse than this one?" The skull said to him, "There is a greater punishment beneath us." [The elder] said to him, "And who is in it?" The skull said to him, "We who did not see God are at least a little pitied; but they who saw God but denied him and did not do his will, they are the ones beneath us." After that the elder took the skull, buried it in the ground, and went his way. (Macarius 38)
Abba Makarius Agung menemukan tengkorak orang yang sudah mati di padang pasir. Tengkorak itu berbicara kepada sang penatua, yang mengatakan kepadanya bahwa belas kasihan kepada mereka yang sedang dihukum akan meringankan mereka. Tetua tersebut menjelaskan bahwa ada banyak api di bawah kaki dan kepala mereka, sama banyaknya dengan jarak langit dari bumi. Tengkorak itu juga mengungkapkan hukuman yang lebih besar di bawah mereka, di mana mereka yang tidak melihat Tuhan tetapi menyangkal-Nya dan tidak melakukan kehendak-Nya adalah orang-orang di bawah mereka. Tetua itu menguburkan tengkorak itu dan pergi.
20. The elders at the Mount of Nitria once sent to Abba Macarius at Scete with a request. They said to him, "To prevent all the people from enduring a journey to you, we beg you to present yourself here so that we can see you before you migrate to the Lord." When he presented himself at the mountain, all the people congregated around him. The elders were asking him to utter a saying for the brothers, but, in tears, he said, "Let us weep, brothers, and let our eyes pour forth tears before we go where our tears will burn our bodies." They all wept and fell on their faces, and they all said, "Pray for us, father." (Macarius 34)
Para penatua di Gunung Nitria meminta Abba Makarius untuk menampakkan diri di Skete untuk mencegah orang-orang melakukan perjalanan kepada Tuhan. Ketika ia datang, orang-orang berkumpul di sekelilingnya, dan ia meminta mereka untuk menangis sebelum mereka pergi di mana air mata mereka akan membakar tubuh mereka. Mereka semua menangis dan tersungkur di atas wajah mereka, meminta doa untuk saudara-saudara mereka.
21. Abba Moses said, "Let those of us who have been worsted by a bodily passion not be negligent in repenting and feeling sorrow for ourselves before the sorrow for the judgment overtakes us."
Abba Musa berkata, "Janganlah kita yang telah terpuruk oleh hasrat jasmani, lalai untuk bertobat dan merasakan kesedihan bagi diri kita sendiri sebelum kesedihan karena penghakiman menguasai kita."
22. He also said, "A person acquires the virtues through tears, and through tears comes the forgiveness of sins. So when you weep, do not raise the voice of your sighing. 'Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing' [Matt 6:3]. The 'left hand' is vainglory."
Seseorang memperoleh kebajikan melalui air mata, yang mengarah pada pengampunan dosa. Ketika menangis, hindari mengeluarkan suara mendesah, karena itu adalah kesombongan di tangan kiri.
23. Abba Poemen was asked by a brother, "My logismoi are troubling me and not letting me be concerned about my sins; they are making me pay attention to the shortcomings of my brother." Abba Poemen told him how Abba Dioscorus was in the cell weeping over himself while his disciple was in another cell. The disciple went to the elder in the first cell and found him weeping. He said to him, "What are you weeping for, father?" He said to him, "For my sins, my son." Said the brother to him, "You do not have sins, father." The elder said to him, "Indeed, if one were permitted to see my sins, four others would not be enough to weep with me for them." Hence Abba Poemen said, "That is what a person who knows himself is like." (Dioscorus 2)
Abba Poemen menghadapi seorang saudara yang mempertanyakan logismoi-nya, yang menyebabkan dia fokus pada kekurangan saudaranya. Abba Poemen menceritakan bahwa Abba Dioscorus menangisi dirinya sendiri di dalam sel, sementara muridnya mendapati dia menangisi dosa-dosanya. Penatua itu menjelaskan bahwa jika seseorang dapat melihat dosa-dosanya, empat orang lainnya tidak akan cukup untuk menangisi dosa-dosanya. Hal ini menggambarkan kualitas seseorang yang mengenal dirinya sendiri.
24. Once when Abba Poemen was traveling into Egypt, he saw a woman sitting in a sepulcher, weeping bitterly, and he said, "If all the delights of this world come, they will not restrain her soul from sorrow. The monk should have sorrow in himself all the time, like that."
Abba Poemen mengamati seorang wanita yang menangis tersedu-sedu di Mesir, mendesaknya untuk terus bersedih, seperti yang seharusnya dilakukan oleh seorang biarawan.
25. Another time he was passing through the region of Diolocos together with Abba Anoub, and when they came to the sepulchers they saw a woman beating [her breast] and weeping bitterly. They stopped and watched her; then, moving on a little, they met someone, and Abba Poemen asked him, "What ails that woman that she is weeping bitterly?" He said to him, "Her husband has died, and [so have] her son and her brother." In response, Abba Poemen said to Abba Anoub, "I tell you, unless a person puts to death all the desires of the flesh and acquires that sorrow, he cannot be a monk. Her entire life and thought are in sorrow." (Poemen 72)
Selama perjalanan mereka di Diolocos, Abba Poemen dan Abba Anoub bertemu dengan seorang wanita yang sedang menangis tersedu-sedu di kuburan. Mereka mengamati wanita itu, yang telah kehilangan suami, anak laki-laki, dan saudara laki-lakinya. Abba Poemen menjelaskan bahwa seseorang tidak dapat menjadi biarawan kecuali mereka menanggalkan semua keinginan daging dan memperoleh kesedihan. Kesedihan ini menghabiskan seluruh hidup dan pikirannya.
26. Abba Poemen also said, "Sorrow works in two ways: it labors and protects" [see Gen 2:15]. (Poemen 39)
Abba Poemen juga berkata, "Kesedihan bekerja dengan dua cara: bekerja dan melindungi" (lihat Kej 2:15).
27. A brother asked Abba Poemen, "What am I to do?" The elder said to him, "At the time of God's visitation, what do we have to worry about?" "About our sins," the brother said to him, and the elder told him, "So then let us go into our cells and remain there, recalling our sins, and the Lord will go with us in all things." (Poemen 162)
Seorang saudara bertanya kepada Abba Poemen tentang dosa-dosanya selama kunjungan Tuhan. Penatua itu menasihatinya untuk mengingatnya di dalam sel, dan Tuhan akan menemaninya dalam segala hal.
28. A brother asked him, "What am I to do?" and he said to him, "When Abraham entered the Promised Land, he bought himself a sepulcher, and through the tomb he inherited the land" [see Gen 23:4-10]. The brother said to him, "What is 'a tomb'?" and the elder said, "A place of weeping and sorrow." (Poemen 50)
Seorang saudara bertanya tentang warisan Abraham atas Tanah Perjanjian melalui sebuah kuburan, yang ia gambarkan sebagai tempat tangisan dan kesedihan. Penatua itu menjelaskan bahwa kuburan adalah tempat kesedihan.
29. A brother asked Abba Poemen, "What am I to do about my sins?" The elder said to him, "One who wishes to release himself from sins is released from them by weeping."
Abba Poemen menasihati saudara untuk melepaskan diri dari dosa melalui tangisan, seperti yang disarankan oleh penatua.
30. He also said, "Weeping—that is the way Scripture and our fathers delivered to us, saying, 'Weep! For there is no other way but that one'" [see Jas 4:9]. (Poemen 119)
Ia juga berkata, "Menangis- itulah yang diajarkan Kitab Suci dan nenek moyang kita telah menyampaikannya kepada kita, dengan mengatakan: Menangislah! Karena tidak ada jalan lain kecuali jalan itu'".
31. Abba Isaac visited Abba Poemen, and as they were sitting together, he saw that he was in a trance. He besought him saying, "Where is your logismos, Abba?" "There where Saint Mary was," the elder said. "She was weeping at the cross of the Savior [see John 19:25], and I wished to weep all the time." (Poemen 144)
Abba Ishak mengunjungi Abba Poemen, di mana ia berada dalam keadaan kesurupan. Dia bertanya tentang logismosnya, dan penatua itu mengungkapkan bahwa Bunda Maria menangis di salib Juru Selamat, dan dia ingin menangis terus-menerus.
32. The blessed Athanasius invited Abba Pambo to come down from the desert to Alexandria. He came down and, seeing a woman of the theatre there, broke down in tears. When those who were there sought to know why he wept, he said, "Two things moved me: one was her destruction, the other that I do not make such an effort to please God as she makes to please shameful men." (Pambo 4)
Abba Pambo, yang diundang oleh Athanasius, mengalami air mata ketika ia melihat seorang wanita di sebuah teater. Ia menjelaskan bahwa ia tergerak oleh kehancuran wanita itu dan ketidakmampuannya untuk menyenangkan Allah seperti wanita itu.
33. Once when Abba Silvanus was sitting with some brothers, he went into a trance and fell on his face. After some considerable time, he got up and wept. The brothers besought him, "What is the matter, father?" but he remained silent and went on weeping. When they obliged him to speak, he said, "I was snatched away to the judgment, and I saw many wearing our habit going off to punishment and many worldlings going off into the kingdom." The elder was sorrowing and would not come out of his cell, and if he was obliged to come out, he would hide his face in his cowl, saying, "Why would I want to see this transitory light that offers no advantage?" (Silvanus 2)
Abba Silvanus mengalami kesurupan dan menangis bersama saudara-saudaranya. Ketika ditanya tentang hal itu, ia tetap diam dan menangis. Ketika diminta untuk berbicara, ia menceritakan bahwa ia melihat banyak orang yang mengenakan kebiasaan mereka akan dihukum dan orang-orang duniawi akan keluar dari kerajaan. Penatua itu sangat sedih dan menolak untuk meninggalkan selnya, menyembunyikan wajahnya di balik cadar.
34. The blessed Synkletike said, "It is a struggle and great toil at first for those who approach God, but then it is unspeakable joy. Just as they who want to start a fire are engulfed in smoke and reduced to tears at first and in this way attain the desired object, so too—for it says, 'Our God is a consuming fire' [Heb 12:29]—must we start the divine fire within ourselves with tears and toil." (Synkletike 1)
Synkletike menekankan perjuangan dan kerja keras untuk mendekati Tuhan, tetapi pada akhirnya mengarah pada sukacita yang luar biasa. Seperti api yang menghanguskan, kita harus menyalakan api ilahi di dalam diri kita dengan air mata dan kerja keras, untuk mencapai objek yang diinginkan.
35. Abba Hyperechius said, "The monk transforms the night into day by keeping watch and assiduously persisting in prayers. Goading his heart, he pours forth tears and calls forth mercy from on high."
Abba Hyperechius menggambarkan seorang biarawan yang mengubah malam menjadi siang melalui doa, air mata, dan seruan untuk memohon belas kasihan dari atas.
36. Some brothers visited Abba Felix and had some worldlings with them. They besought him to utter a saying for them, but the elder kept silent. When they continued beseeching, he said to them, "You want to hear a saying?" "Yes, Abba," they said, so the elder said, "There is no saying now. When the brothers used to ask the elders and would do what they said to them, God provided them with [knowledge of] how to speak. But nowadays when they ask but do not do what they hear, God has taken away the grace from the elders, and they do not find anything to say, since there is no one to perform it." The brothers sighed when they heard this and said, "Pray for us, Abba." (Felix)
Saudara-saudara yang terikat pada duniawi mengunjungi Abba Felix dan memintanya untuk mengucapkan sebuah pepatah bagi mereka. Sesepuh itu tetap diam, tetapi saudara-saudara itu terus memohon. Sesepuh itu menjelaskan bahwa tidak ada pepatah sekarang. Mereka biasanya meminta kepada para sesepuh dan menerima perkataan mereka, tetapi sekarang mereka meminta tetapi tidak mendapatkannya, sehingga menyebabkan Allah mencabut kasih karunia-Nya. Saudara-saudara itu menghela napas dan meminta doa.
37. They told of Abba Ør and Abba Theodore that when they were puddling clay for a cell, they said to each other, "If God visits us now, what will we do?" They left the clay and retreated into their cells in tears. (Ør 1)
Abba Ør dan Abba Theodore mendiskusikan rencana masa depan mereka ketika Tuhan mengunjungi mereka, meninggalkan tanah liat dan mundur ke dalam sel mereka sambil menangis.
38. An elder told how a youth who wanted to retreat [into the desert] was impeded by his mother. But he did not abandon his project, saying, "I want to save my soul." Much as she tried to stand in his way, she was not able, so, in the end, she let him go. Off he went and lived alone in a disorderly way, wasting his life away. Now it came about that his mother died; then, sometime later, he himself became gravely ill. He fell into a trance and was whisked away to the judgment; there he found his mother with those who were being judged. She was astonished when she saw him. "What is this, my child?" she said. "Have you too been condemned to come to this place? Where are the words you used to say: 'I want to save my soul'?" Bowled over by what he heard, he stood there dejected, having nothing to say in reply to her. Then, by the providence of God, the lover of folk, after seeing those things, he made a recovery from the illness that was afflicting him. Reckoning that a visitation like that must have been sent from God, he shut himself up and stayed there, concerning himself with his own salvation, repenting and weeping over the things he did previously in a disorderly way. Such was his sorrow for sin that many begged him to relax it a little, lest he do himself some harm by his excessive weeping. But he would not be comforted: "If I could not endure the reproach of my mother," he said, "how then am I to endure being put to shame before Christ and his angels on the Day of Judgment?" (N 135)
Seorang tetua menceritakan tentang seorang pemuda yang berniat untuk mengasingkan diri ke padang gurun namun dihalangi oleh ibunya. Dia tetap bertekad untuk menyelamatkan jiwanya, tetapi ibunya akhirnya membiarkannya pergi. Dia hidup dengan cara yang tidak teratur, menyia-nyiakan hidupnya. Ibunya meninggal, dan dia jatuh sakit, yang mengarah pada kunjungan penghakiman. Ibunya heran dengan penampilannya dan bertanya apakah dia telah dikutuk ke tempat ini. Meskipun heran, dia sembuh dari penyakitnya dan tinggal di sana, bertobat dan menangisi tindakannya di masa lalu. Banyak yang memintanya untuk bersantai, tetapi dia menolak, menyatakan bahwa jika dia tidak dapat menanggung celaan ibunya, bagaimana dia dapat menanggung rasa malu di hadapan Kristus dan para malaikatnya pada Hari Penghakiman?
39. An elder said, "If it were possible, at the coming of God after the resurrection, for people's souls to die from fear, the whole world would die from terror and bewilderment. What a sight it would be to see the heavens torn open, God revealed in anger and indignation, and innumerable armies of angels, and to observe the whole of humanity together! We should therefore live as those who are required by God to render a daily account of our way of life." (N 136)
Seorang tetua berpendapat bahwa jika kedatangan Tuhan setelah kebangkitan menyebabkan jiwa-jiwa manusia mati karena ketakutan, maka dunia akan mati karena teror dan kebingungan. Ia mendesak kita untuk hidup seperti yang dituntut oleh Allah untuk memberikan pertanggungjawaban setiap hari atas cara hidup kita.
40. A brother asked an elder, "How is it that my heart is hard and that I do not fear God?" The elder said to him, "I think that a man will acquire fear of God if he maintains [the habit] of reproaching himself in his heart." The brother said to him, "What does 'reproach' mean?" Said the elder, "It is that a man reproves his soul in every situation, saying to himself, 'Keep in mind that you have to meet God.' Say this too: 'What have I to do with anybody?' I think that if one perseveres in this frame of mind, the fear of God will come upon him." (N 138)
Seorang saudara bertanya tentang hati mereka yang keras dan kurangnya rasa takut akan Allah. Tetua itu menyarankan bahwa mempertahankan kebiasaan mencela diri sendiri di dalam hati dapat menimbulkan rasa takut akan Allah. Ini termasuk mencela diri sendiri dalam setiap situasi, mengingatkan diri sendiri akan perlunya bertemu dengan Tuhan dan berfokus pada apa yang harus dilakukan dengan siapa pun. Ketekunan dalam pola pikir ini dapat menghasilkan rasa takut akan Allah.
41. When an elder saw somebody laughing, he said to him, "We are going to have to render an account of the whole of our own life before heaven and earth, and you are laughing?" (N 139)
Seseorang tetua memperingatkan untuk menyampaikan pertanggungjawaban hidup di hadapan langit dan bumi, meskipun ada orang yang tertawa, menyebabkan kebingungan.
42. An elder said, "Just as we carry our own shadow around everywhere, so must we have weeping and sorrow for sin with us wherever we are." (N 140)
Seorang tetua menyarankan tangisan dan kesedihan karena dosa harus ada di mana-mana, seperti halnya bayangan kita.
43. A brother asked an elder, "Abba, utter a saying for me." Said the elder to him, "When God struck Egypt, there was not a house without sorrow" [see Exod 12:30].
Seorang saudara meminta seorang tetua untuk berkata-kata, menyebutkan kesedihan Mesir selama serangan Allah, seperti yang terlihat dalam Keluaran 12:30.
44. A brother asked another elder, "What am I to do?" "We must weep all the time," the elder said to him. "It once happened that one of the elders died and then regained consciousness a considerable time later. We asked him, 'What did you see there, Abba?' With tears in his eyes he told us, 'I heard a sound of weeping from those who were saying unceasingly, "O me, O me."' So ought we to be saying all the time." (N 141)
Seorang saudara bertanya kepada seorang tetua tentang tindakan mereka, dan tetua itu menyarankan agar mereka terus menangis. Dia berbagi cerita tentang seorang tetua yang telah meninggal yang sadar kembali dan mendengar orang-orang menangis tanpa henti, mendorong mereka untuk melakukan hal yang sama.
45. A brother asked an elder, "How is it that my soul yearns for tears the way I hear the elders [shed them], yet no tears arrive and my soul is distressed?" "The children of Israel were forty years entering the Promised Land [see Heb 11.9]," the elder said to him. "Tears are the Promised Land. If you enter it, you will no longer be afraid of battle. It is the will of God that the soul be distressed in that way, so that it might ever yearn to enter into that land." (N 142)
Seorang saudara bertanya tentang kerinduan jiwa akan air mata, tetapi tetua itu menjelaskan bahwa air mata adalah Tanah Perjanjian. Bani Israel telah empat puluh tahun berada di sana, dan memasukinya akan membuat mereka tak kenal takut dalam peperangan. Tetua itu percaya bahwa menyedihkan jiwa pada akhirnya akan menyebabkan kerinduan akan tanah itu.
46. An elder said, "Remaining in your cell, keep God in mind all the time, and the fear of God will encircle you. Cast everything that is sinful and all evil out of your soul in order to find repose."
Seorang tetua menyarankan untuk selalu mengingat Allah, mengusir dosa dan kejahatan dari dalam jiwa, dan mencari ketenangan di dalam sel.
47. He also said, "He who has acquired fear of God is in possession of a treasure filled with good things; for the fear of God saves the person from sin."
Takut akan Allah adalah harta yang penuh dengan hal-hal yang baik, menyelamatkan seseorang dari dosa dan memelihara naturnya yang baik.
48. Unaware that his disciple was listening, an elder began groaning bitterly in the night, gnashing his teeth, and weeping. When he was comforted by his disciple, he said, "I was led away and I saw what affliction the souls of the sinners are in, there in Hades, and I can no longer be comforted."
Seorang tetua mengerang sedih di malam hari, menggertakkan gigi dan menangis. Setelah dihibur oleh muridnya, ia mengaku melihat jiwa-jiwa orang berdosa di Hades dan tidak dapat dihibur lagi.
49. There was a devout virgin living in a city whose neighbor was a soldier. Once when her mother was out, the soldier assaulted the maiden and raped her. After that, she took off her virgin's habit and sat on a mat weeping, having torn up even the clothes she was wearing. When her mother came, she told her what had happened. For many days the maiden sat there sorrowing in that way. Afterward, when some virgins and clergy heard [what had happened], they came to her and began saying, "Put the virgin's habit on; you are not responsible for the sin," but she would not be persuaded. "God has cast me off," she said. "How can I put on again the habit of the God who does not want me? Could God not have prevented the affront? If he saw that I was unworthy of the habit, then so I am remaining." And until the day she died, she continued weeping and lamenting in salutary grief with excessive sorrow for sin. (N 460)
Seorang perawan yang taat tinggal di sebuah kota dengan tetangga seorang tentara yang menyerang dan memperkosanya. Dia menanggalkan kebiasaannya sebagai seorang perawan dan menangis, merobek-robek pakaiannya. Ibunya memberitahunya, dan dia duduk bersedih selama berhari-hari. Beberapa perawan dan imam mencoba membujuknya untuk mengembalikan kebiasaan keperawanannya, tetapi dia menolak. Dia percaya bahwa Tuhan telah membuangnya, dan dia tidak dapat melakukan kebiasaan itu lagi. Dia terus menangis dan meratapi dosanya sampai kematiannya, terus menangis dan meratapi dosanya.
50. A brother asked an elder, "How is it that my soul loves impurity?" The elder said to him, "The soul desires the passions, but it is the Spirit of God who takes it in hand. We should weep over our own sins and impurities. Did you notice how the Lord called to Mary when she stooped down at the sepulcher and wept [see John 20:11-16]? That is how it will be for the soul."
Sesepuh itu menjelaskan bahwa jiwa menginginkan nafsu, tetapi Roh Allah mengendalikannya. Menangisi dosa-dosa dan kecemaran kita sangat penting bagi jiwa, seperti yang terlihat dalam tangisan Bunda Maria di kuburan.
51. Somebody saw a young monk laughing and said to him, "Do not laugh, brother, for you are driving the fear of God away from you."
Seorang biarawan muda menasihati agar tidak tertawa, karena hal itu dapat menghilangkan rasa takut akan Tuhan.
52. A monk who was a linen weaver was spinning [yarn] in his cell. He said, "I have waited for a long time expecting death as I released the shuttle, in doubt whether I would live until I drew it back."
Seorang biarawan yang sedang menenun linen di dalam selnya memintal benang, mengantisipasi kematian, tidak yakin akan hidupnya sampai dia menariknya kembali.
53. Another elder said, "I sew away, and at each piece of sackcloth I set death before my eyes before I repeat [the action]."
Tetua yang lain berkata, "Saya menjahit, dan pada setiap helai kain kabung, saya menaruh kematian di depan mata saya sebelum saya mengulangi tindakan itu."
54. An elder said, "Be anxious for the salvation of your souls, brothers, since the Day of Judgment is terrible and bitter. Give your souls and receive spirit, the Holy [Spirit], that is."
Seorang tetua berkata, "Berjaga-jagalah akan keselamatan jiwamu, saudara-saudara, karena Hari Penghakiman itu mengerikan dan pahit. Berikanlah jiwamu dan terimalah roh, yaitu Roh Kudus."
55. One of the saints said [this] about loose talk: "Loose talk is like a burning wind, destroying the fruits of the monk. Now hear about laughter: laughter throws out the blessedness of sorrow. Laughter does not construct, does not protect; it destroys and demolishes what has been constructed. Laughter grieves the Holy Spirit, is of no benefit to the soul, and corrupts the body. Laughter chases off the virtues; it has neither remembrance of death nor contemplation of the punishments."
Seorang kudus membandingkan pembicaraan yang tidak jelas dengan tawa, dengan menyatakan bahwa tawa menghancurkan buah-buah dari seorang biarawan dan membuang berkat dari kesedihan. Tertawa tidak membangun, melindungi, atau menghancurkan, mendukakan Roh Kudus, dan merusak tubuh. Tertawa mengusir kebajikan dan tidak mengingat kematian atau hukuman.
56. One of the elders said, "The beginning of the ruination of a monk is laughter and loose talk. When you see yourself [indulging] in these, O monk, know that you are in the depths of evil. Do not leave off beseeching God to deliver you from this death [see Rom 7:24]. Laughter and loose talk escort the monk to disgraceful passions, not only the young ones but the older ones too. Laughter and loose talk are the downfalls of the monk."
Para sesepuh memperingatkan bahwa tertawa dan berbicara sembarangan adalah awal dari kehancuran seorang biarawan. Mereka menyarankan para biarawan untuk memohon kepada Allah agar dibebaskan dari kebiasaan-kebiasaan buruk ini, karena kebiasaan-kebiasaan ini mengarah pada nafsu yang tercela, tidak hanya di kalangan orang yang masih muda tetapi juga di kalangan orang yang lebih tua.
Referensi:
The Book of the Elders: Sayings of the Desert Fathers: The Systematic Collection, Translated by John Wortley, Cistercian Publications, 2012.
No comments:
Post a Comment