Regrets about, breaking up with him, but you were, just, too tired, of having to be the one, who'd, altered your, schedules to meet his, breaks…translated…
There's no set schedule of the days off for the professional military men, that was something I'd come to understand, as I'd, started, dating back in my schooling, days. So many times, I'd, made myself up, and gone to the location where we were supposed to meet, my boyfriend told me abruptly, that he was, prohibited to take the days, off, the train fares, the hotels, booked, rebooked, over, over, over, and over again, and in the end, I'd, stopped, planning ahead, to set anything up, anymore, so that the love we shared, won't get taxed out, in the, need to change our schedules.
saying goodbye when he had to, go...and it'd hurt, every single, time...photo from online
And, the long-distance love, made every goodbye feel like, final farewell, watching the train that took him, away, it was like, my soul, went with it, and it always, takes, forever for me to, recover. And so, whenever my lover confirmed the dates of his days, off, I'd, immediately pressed that, "pause" button on everything, and made up an assortments of lies to get away from, work—going to a wedding, I feel sick, I'm taking my pets to the vet, I have a dentist appointment………..to skip a class, to skip work, only to see him, one time, holding hands as we go out for the foods, taking that long stroll in the night, with that drink in our, hands, and it'd felt, like eternity to me.
And, as the lies became, harder and harder to tell, on the eves of my own, graduation, I'd, made my formal announcement, that I'm, finally, an adult, who needs to be, more responsible, that I can't, ever, skip my days for him anymore, that he needed to, care for himself. Then, after that, he'd, given me, this, deep, long, hug.
Later, I'd never told him, that actually, in that long, deep hug, five years ago, I'd already, started, regretting, breaking up with him.
And so, this is you, looking back on that, fresh love of yours from way back when, you were too young, and you were always the one, who'd, rearranged your schedules, to fit his time, and it'd become, trying to you, and finally, you had, had enough, because you'd felt that you were the one, giving to the relationship all the time, and everything became, uneven, that was what made you decided that you need to, break up with him, but, you'd, regretted breaking up with him, ever since…
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