Before you read further,
Be sure you are ready to hear a truth that has been spoken of time and time again. If your first response to my truth is defensiveness, try to put that aside and listen with curiosity. If not me, then have the courage to listen to the women of color within your circle of friends who are not trying to be some mutated form of whiteness. Ask those women of color, what they really feel about being friends with someone who is using them as a status trophy. That is if you have friends of color willing to tell you the truth.
For me, white women or women who have been socialized as white, who are more cold-blooded in their violence toward other women, especially women of color. They seem more calculating. Smiling while shooting venom, or giving back-handed complements which speak to their ignorance. (Complementing your hair, and immediately following up with some racist statement that you are far too irritated to respond to in the moment. Only because you thought you were friends. Seriously? How are you friends with someone you have never had a serious deep race conversation with and race conversations expose us all).
I hold women of color accountable for not interrupting the smiling violence. Stop pretending that the smile is an invitation to join. To be counted as white adjacent. I have seen this behavior across the spectrum of "women of color". Asian women who by proxy of "moral majority" who get positions and forget they are still women of color no matter how well the bleaching cream worked.
Too harsh? I think not.
Asian women will be the first to claim "women of color status" when their asianness (yes we are making up words) fails to open the doors they were told would open for them the whiter their skin.
Biracial women are also guilty of conveniently forgetting that half of the race conversation might be the half that keeps them out of certain circles. We forget the things we want to forget.
Educated Black women, no matter the complexion, will turn their backs on themselves to get some of that white power.
Power trumps whether or not you matter.
Native women, like other women of color touting whiteness and its proximity to power.
A word to the wise, when it comes right down to it, white women will not see the power and influence of women of color because to do so would expose the fear of having to prove your value inside a system that has never valued you.
To remind you, I have been a DEI coach, facilitator, trainer and I have seem some scary shit from women who claim to be allies, supporters, Black women, or the silence minority. This is my observations and direct conversations from women of color who have lost themselves in the power struggle. Lost themselves through job security, promised bonuses, superficial promotions; you know the shinny baubles that keep us silent.
One of the reasons we are not able to move past a superficial discussion about racial equity is because so many benefit from the silence including folks of color.
Oppressed for so long, we start oppressing ourselves and each other. No longer a need for 'Massa' to crack that whip.
Not invested in anyone's success except their own. No room at the top for anyone else. You think I'm lying? Look around in your organizations how many upper management are managers of color? If there are managers of color, what is their track record for implementing equity policies and practices.
I'll wait for you to think about it honestly.
We can continue to play games if you want. In the meantime, shit continues as it always has. We can pretend we have made progress, all that's happened, is we have changed the data to diversity without inclusion.
All smoke and mirrors. Freedom on the installment plan. Not freedom at all.
Too much? Hell yes, too much and not enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment