In conversations with submissives, sometimes the question, "Am I a submissive?" will come up. This is an odd thing to ask especially when it is coming from someone who identifies as submissive. Often when one probes deeper to discover the origin of the question, the s-type questioning things will have had an experience like this:
At the end of their lifestyle relationship, their submissive's former partner told them "You are not a real submissive and you never will be" which hurts, often causing the s-type to engage in soul-searching.
These types of stinging comments typically follow a pattern. Things were fine, the relationship is growing and building, then it is like a switch flipped and the dominant begins moving and making everything sexual often happening when the budding relationship has yet to reach that level of intimacy in person. Perhaps some dates held hands and shared kisses but it had not gone to the next level. At the beginning of this phase, submissives often start trying to follow and do as their potential dominant desires but these d-types will keep pushing for more and more sexual desires rather than easing into the intimate realm. Finally, when the submissive has hand enough demands they are uncomfortable with placed on them, they ask a simple but amazing question. The question was "Why?" or "Why do you want me to do this?"
Some who have been around the lifestyle block might know these d-types do not have a good answer to this question other than they wished to train submissive to meet their "needs" but typically the super sexual d-types will now back away from the intimate side of things for, a bit. However, the sexless honeymoon phase will not last long and the dominant will be once again sexualizing things. Finally, the submissive will say enough and they were not comfortable with the direction things are going firmly asking the dominants to discuss their plan for leading the relationship and once again want to know the reason why all the sexual tasks.
Some of you may be expecting this as this is the point where most of the sexually driven d-types end the commitment but not before haranguing this submissive for not being a true submissive, chastising them because the s-type is not willing to do as they are told. This will leave many newer submissives wondering if they are not submissive. These parting shots are a deliberate mind fuck. Not only are the dominant's actions unacceptable, in poor taste, and just asshatted but they leave causing the submissive to doubt themselves.
Behavior like this is something that many of us have seen all too often. When a submissive questions the reason why they are being asked to do something while unable to get an acceptable answer followed by being told they are not a 'real' or 'true' submissive because they dare question the reason behind the d-type demands. This is not how the lifestyle works and some things to remember should anyone find themselves in a situation like this:
- Just because you identify as a submissive, you do not give up your right to say no at any time, any place, and for any reason.
- It is important to ask why because understanding the reason(s) your dominant has given you a task, expectations, rules, et cetera will help you to understand both your d-type, the assignment, and expectations, and most importantly it allows the submissive to understand the dominant better allowing them to provide superior service.
- Declining to do "as you are asked or told" does not mean anyone is not submissive or not a real or true submissive. It means the individual is an intelligent submissive who needs to understand why they are being directed a certain way.
- When a d-type uses a phrase such as "you are not a real submissive if you will not…" they are trying to bully and/or guilt a submissive into doing what they wish and this is unacceptable.
When someone uses words like this is intolerable and a sign that this supposed d-type does not have the submissive's best interests at heart. This a darn good reason for anyone to excuse themself from a relationship. Dominance is not about bullying, guilting, or saying you cannot be submissive if you will not do X, Y, or Z. The only person who can decide if you are submissive or not is you. Do not let anyone change this or your opinion of yourself.
Stay strong and dump the chump.
Have you experienced a d-type doing this or something similar to you or a friend? What advice would you give to someone in a situation like this?
As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.
©TLK2023
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