It's been an unexpected few months in terms of what's shifted in my physical health. Things that had become normal to me turn out not to be intrinsic. I've had sore, scabby patches of skin on my scalp for years, and now… I don't. I've had relentless ulcers in my mouth and throat for years, and now those have cleared up. After some years not being able to heal cuts and skin damage easily, I've got a body that is repairing itself. I haven't had heart palpitations in a couple of months and those had become frequent and horrible and had everything to do with low blood pressure, which is also sorting out now. I've had very little insomnia, very little panic, and when there have been distress issues, they've been easily dealt with - even when that included a round of serious triggering and invasive thoughts.
Much of this comes down to stress, evidently. The way stress had been impacting on my ability to sleep was clearly a major factor. Sleep is important for healing. Immune systems take a lot of energy to run, and stress is also expensive on a system, so that's probably part of it. I have the kind of gut that responds to stress by failing to function, so being less stressed means better nutritional uptake which means more resources to support wellness.
I've experienced huge shifts in my energy and concentration - more sleep and better nutrition are clearly helping there. That in turn has also lifted my spirits because I'm able to do more. I can get out and walk, and be in the landscape, which in turn improves my bodily health. I've had the concentration to be able to work more effectively, which means I'm happier and more enthused about how I spend my time. These things have greatly improved my quality of life.
There isn't a condition out there that isn't made worse by stress. I've felt for a long time that it's not something we collectively take anything like seriously enough around impacts on health. Stress definitely isn't just a mental health issue, as recent experiences have really brought home to me. Minds and bodies are all part of the same system, and our stress responses are physical processes happening in our bodies. Continual stress will make you very sick indeed.
At the moment I'm experiencing a lot of virtue cycles. The progress I make opens up the way to further improvements and more options for investing in my health and wellbeing. I've got a lot of work to do rebuilding physical strength and stamina. I have work to do around being more able to perform and play. I have things to learn still about managing the flows of my energy, how to rest effectively and how to pace. There's always that temptation to run flat out whenever that seems possible, and it's easy to get into the bodily equivalent of boom and bust cycles that way. I want to function more consistently.
I've learned a lot in all of this about the interplay between emotions and body health. Emotions are chemical processes, and for a long time I've struggled with producing any of the feel-good body chemistry. Again, being able to digest food and be more active is contributing to better body chemistry, and I'm able to feel a lot more than I could. This time last year I was mostly numb and hollow feeling, with no idea how to keep going. At this point, joy is part of my daily life, I wake up feeling hopeful and I am experiencing feelings of being pleased with what I do, and being able to enjoy things.
What's been most powerful for me in all of this is discovering that I'm not broken beyond repair, and not intrinsically a miserable person. It turns out that given the right situation, I can heal and I can thrive.
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