 | The Lightkeepers Journal May 6 |
Let's Chat About Poly When hopping around the kinky side of the internet it seems that there has always been a spate of blog posts about poly relationships gone sideways. While many seemed to be filled with drama as people on all sides were not willing to stay above the fray and it quickly becomes obvious that some enter poly partnerships for the wrong reasons, however, many find poly perfectly pleasing as well as the right fit. So perhaps it is time to pull out our good friend Polly the parrot and after their cracker, chat about polyamory. Many know what poly partnerships are but for those who do not, poly is a relationship that is ethical and includes more than one partner, romantically. There is one word in the definition that does seem to cause the most problems for many this is the word ethical. This means that those in the relationship are all honest with each other. The largest ethical issue that surrounds poly is when the relationship is dishonest, especially if things start disingenuously. This is the case because some so-called poly relationships end up smashing into rocks. After all, the person seeking an additional partner(s) was not truthful about their current/primary significant other being onboard with and accepting of extra people. To be ethical about a poly relationship, those in the current relationship must knowingly consent to the seeking of and adding of partners. There are many misconceptions about poly and a few of the more common ones popping up are: Poly is not about having sex and/or D/S play with other people. Poly is about having a relationship that has more than one partner. Adding people sexually and/or for lifestyle play is not poly but an open relationship. It is possible to be poly and open or mono and open but often people confuse open and poly. It is important to remember these are not the same. Within the world of D/S people often assume that poly means a d-type has or wishes for multiple submissives. Poly relationships come in many forms, shapes, as well as sizes so it is important not to attach this common stereotype when an individual identifies as poly. Understand that people engaged in poly relationships will be more visible in and around the D/S community but do not assume that because someone is poly they are also into D/S. The lifestyle is made up of people with open minds and thus it is a safe place for people to be open about their poly relationship but it does not by default mean a person is involved in the lifestyle. Also, no two poly partnerships are the same, there is no one-size-fits-all after all just like every person is unique, each relationship no matter if mono or poly has dynamics special to it. This one applies to many who are new to the lifestyle. Not every dominant or submissive is poly or seeking a poly relationship. Some advice to those who are new, first work on educating yourself about D/S before considering moving into poly. Often newer d-types pursue poly when the whole wizarding world of D/S is new to them and these folks must understand how important it is to build your understanding of the lifestyle before considering the addition of partners. The caveat to this is for those who are already poly and start exploring D/S because the poly side of things is already covered although D/S will bring some new wrinkles. There is something that is a red flag when it comes to poly and would help people from becoming involved with someone who is being unethical or using poly as a cover for cheating. Because poly relationships are ethical and all partners will understand their role as well as who the other partners are or potentially are, some simple advice on how to avoid being taken advantage of by a faux poly person. Should someone be interested in pursuing something with a person who claims to be in a poly relationship, the person being approached for dating should ask when the time is right to chat with the others involved in the relationship. This does not mean that everyone must become best friends or that everyone loves each other but everyone involved in the relationship will be free to communicate with each other as well as someone who is being considered to join the relationship. Anyone who forbids free conversation within the relationship is hiding something and a huge red flag. Poly partnerships are amazing for those who engage in them but it is important to understand that some use the term poly in unethical ways especially online to disguise dishonesty, do not assume these relationships are one dominant with multiple submissives, and never assume that poly also means kinky. If you are curious if poly is right for you, give The Ethical Slut a read and make sure to learn before you leap. What advice would you share with someone considering polyamory? As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer. ©TLK2023 |
| | |  | You can also reply to this email to leave a comment. |
|
|
|
|
No comments:
Post a Comment