It's been a few years since my life fell apart and I realized that the man that I trusted and loved actually hated me and had been covertly trying to control and destroy me. I broke up with him, but that was not the end. He simply changed to overtly trying to destroy me, via my daughter, Kitty. He told me that he would make sure that I would regret breaking up with him to my dying day. So far he's kept that promise.
In some ways things are easier. I know better what is going on and have learned some ways of dealing with it. But in some ways things are harder. Three years is a long time to be stressed out and terrified, and it looks as though there is no end to the stress that is Jack. There are a lot of emotions to process as well as all the normal things that life requires we do. Also Kitty is not the most restful of children. Much as I love her, she is hard to be close to and a lot of work to understand or relate to. This on top of my own physical limitations and regular illnesses, make life challenging day to day. I often find myself panicked and scared over what seem like small issues. I have trouble making decisions, and often things that used to be small troubles are the difference between a good day and a nightmare. I don't have much energy for cleaning or dealing with car repairs or unexpected problems like water coming through the ceiling.
Last week I lost my keys somewhere between visiting a friend in a retirement community and the car. Kitty was her usual bundle of energy, asking a lot of questions and demanding all my attention as I tried unsuccessfully to make a decision about how to search and what to do. I could feel myself starting to freak out. Thankfully a kind person had turned in my keys to the front desk and before my day could slide into chaos, a helpful person from my local co-op called me to let me know that the front desk staff had called them. Within minutes I had my keys back. It was a lovely thing that three strangers had cared enough to make an effort to return my keys to me. I really appreciated it.
There have been several small kindnesses like this over the past few years. They have been the difference between a really bad, overwhelming day and a bearable one. After experiencing years of being eroded by Jack's petty and not so petty acts of cruelty, I treasure small acts of kindness, and I have come to believe that the people who perform them are the true protectors against evil.
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