Remember the first days, when you were in the throes of love? It all felt so exciting when you turned that crisp first page.
Remember how you dreamed of how your future would turn out? The life you'd build together. All those chapters. All those years.
Remember all the fun times – and the hard times – you went through? The photographs you added. Different family memories.
Remember, then, what happened. How your life forever changed? The news that pierced your heart and left your world ripped up, in shreds.
Remember the confusion, the deep anguish, and the shock? The fairy tale was over, and the future was a fog.
But …
Remember how you worked hard to rebuild your broken life? To start again, recover, and get stronger over time.
You cleaned up all the carnage, dealt with triggers and landmines. You processed your emotions, and you gave love one more chance.
And, yes, your life is better and you're at a different stage. It looks like you've recovered – but it's hard to trust again.
We wish we could forget things. Pull the thorns out of our hearts. Erase the deep betrayals. Start afresh. Expunge the past.
But memory won't let us. Self-protection over-rides.
We may think they are different, and we hope that we are safe.
Yet, still there is a wince, a hesitation, or a sigh. Our mind says, "Just forget it" but our instinct cries: "Watch out!"
Perhaps the day will come when we now feel completely free. When memories won't haunt us, and there's no anxiety.
I'd love if that could happen – so the past stayed history.
But trauma leaves its imprint, for the wound was very deep.
"Sometimes it feels as if nothing is capable of killing the past."
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