"I think 'true' calm represents more of ... one not requiring as much (if any) distraction ... or even coping mechanism?
"It's like being in this state of ... I don't know how to explain it, but it does feel like getting balanced on a tight rope or something? Or like, 'being a monk almost falling off the waterfall rock but somehow manage to calmly stay put in some awkward position' kind of fashion?
"It certainly feels like that.
"And I notice it comes from a combination of 'drive' towards serenity and inherent, genuine avoidance from getting drowned in chaos. Only having the former or just the latter doesn't seem to work really well. Having both, however, feels like it can work longer. Does that make sense?" said Charlotte.
"Go on," said Chloe.
"AND the great thing about it is that you also get to enjoy life's pleasures ... for their own sake. You know there was a time when all I want is to distract myself with all those indulgence and forget about the stress? And then there came a time where the stress becomes too much that all coping mechanisms didn't seem to work and only make the impending doom feeling worse afterwards (at which point I decided I only want to do pleasurable stuff when I'm done with the stress since they no longer work as coping mechanisms). But the combination of these two... drives? Somehow provides a balance where I can now balance myself on my own feet ... and now it feels like there's a fine separation between facing the chaos and just enjoying random life pleasures.
"I'm getting in a roundabout way. Simply put, now I can stay calm in the face of chaos and indulge in unrelated good stuff, without having both interfering with each other."
"It's quite viscerally imaginable," said Chloe. "Good for you, then."
"I hope so."
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