Betrayal is Loss. It is a Whole List of Losses.

Don't Lose Hope

May 6

"Betrayal is loss. It is a whole list of losses."

Betrayal by someone we trusted and loved is a shocking experience. We experience a death on a number of levels.

Recognizing all the losses that this grief has caused, and then letting ourselves grieve them as fully as we can, is essential for our recovery.

Some of these losses include the following:

- Loss of the person you thought you were married to

- Loss of the picture you had of your marriage

- Loss of your past, and what you believed your relationship had been like, and what you believed you had meant to your spouse

- Loss of precious memories (including around key events, such as the birth of your child)

- Loss of your hopes and plans for the future

- Loss of trust – in your spouse, in yourself, in other people, and the world in general

- Loss of emotional (and often physical) intimacy in your marriage

- Loss of confidence in your spouse (to be there for you, or to simply change and be the person they say they want to be).

These losses are often difficult to grieve as they're not seen and recognized by society. The term for this is disenfranchised grief. They are losses other people may not even know about; and even if they know, they might not be there for you – because you feel they judge you, and they do not understand. This can make the journey a long and lonely one.

However, it's important that you're able to talk, and share, your pain. You need to find a safe person, or a safe community, where you can be honest ... and be rigorously honest.

You owe it to yourself to work on your recovery.

You owe it to yourself to grieve, and integrate your losses.