Let me start with a disclaimer. What I am going to write today is based on my own observations, which may not apply universally to all.
The parent-child Relationship is one that nurtures the physical, emotional and social development of the child. It is a unique bond that every child and parent can and should enjoy, because it lays the foundation for the child's personality and overall behaviour.
Much has been written on parenting styles, which, when combined with trauma and family dysfunction, play a significant role on the overall development, temperament, and behavior of children.
But today I'm going to talk about how young adults treat their parents. It can be classified into four stages- I, D, D, D. (Instruction, Discussion, Debate and Denial)
The first stage was based on instruction based theory. Whatever instructions were passed by the parents were final, with no ifs and buts. To be honest, I belonged to this phase.
Then came another stage, when the teenagers began to discuss why parents wanted to have their ways. But after deliberation, although they were not convinced, they accepted the wishes of the parents.
Third phase was based on debate. They would argue what the logic is, and why they should do what parents wished them to do. The debate would end with irritation on both sides without any unanimity.
And the last stage is denial, outright denial. Whatever the parents say is immediately answered with a 'no', followed by debate and discussion. The whole world is wrong and I am right, this is the common refrain.
I fail to understand in later years what all has changed. In contrast, parents are now more permissive, understanding and supportive of their children from the start. PDA (public display of affection) is so common these days.
When a teacher scolds or reprimands a child, his or her father or mother goes to the school to fight the teacher, and in extreme cases, to the police station to file an FIR against the teacher and the school.
I may be wrong, but I think social norms and pressures play a pull and push strategy. There is no doubt that the new generation of young adults are more knowledgeable and intelligent, but so was their predecessors.
Knowledge and talent does not mean that you become arrogant and lose respect for others. In fact, it should be the other way round. Knowledge should make people humble.
One reason for this, I think, is the behavioral issue, which is not part and parcel of the school curriculum, and if they are, they are made optional, with no marks allotted.
Young students are under pressure to crack one exam after another, score higher and higher. Behavioral and emotional issues that adversely affect EQ are left behind. The depression, suicide, crime, intoxication and shooting are just indications that all is not well.
I don't know what other people with growing children think and feel about this topic, but I am sure the emotional part needs immediate and appropriate attention, both at home and at school.
--Kaushal Kishore
images: pinterest
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