It's hard to believe that, as of this past Tuesday, 4/4/23, I have been engaged for exactly one year!
I know, crazy, huh? Exactly one year ago, Steven asked me to marry him in the most beautiful, heartfelt, emotional and special way ever. (Starting with the fact that "4" is my favorite number, and so he asked me on 4/4).
He asked me at his parents' home in New Jersey, and his entire family was there, including his late father. In fact, this was one of his last days on this earth, as he was in hospice at home after battling an aggressive form of cancer, and I just thank God and am so grateful that he was able to watch his son get engaged and be part of that special moment.
My entire family was there as well, albeit virtually. They had a front row seat on Zoom, and it just makes my heart swell thinking that everyone we love and care about was there with us on such an important day.
You can watch the video here:
And it's been an entire year since that day.
I have definitely learned a lot since that day.
Sure, I've learned the ins-and-outs of "NFP" -- aka Natural Family Planning. I've learned about the stress of moving across the country. And the growing pains of trying to establish yourself in a new city.
But I've also learned some things about relationships that I thought I'd share with anyone who may also be going through an engagement period, in a relationship, or just budding in a crush.
- Respect must be at the root of every word, decision, and action you make towards your partner.
- This is an underlying foundation that must be present so that all parties feel valued, seen and appreciated.
- Faith is a critical ingredient in a successful relationship. There is such joy to be found in worshipping together, and simply being in the presence of Jesus can heal a lot of things. That is the rock upon which your family is built.
- Communication is another foundation that must be solid. Now is the time to work on any unproductive communication styles or habits you may notice. Bad patterns are hard to break, so it's best to work together to form new methods of communication.
- Same with conflict resolution. Look for the underlying theme when conflict arises over something seemingly "miniscule." It's usually not the dirty dish that you're fighting over, but rather, the underlying need that is not being met.
- Wedding planning is stressful, but not enough to make yourself literally sick over. Speaking from someone with an autoimmune disease, I started getting an Ulcerative Colitis flare when pressure was being put on me about our invitations being late. It was out of my hands...the vendor told us one thing and then it took three weeks longer than expected. I had to protect my health, and just distance myself from all the criticism coming my way. Nothing is the end of the world. It's just an invitation.
- At the end of the day, it's just you, your spouse and Jesus. The wedding will be over. The honeymoon over. And it will just be you two. That is what needs to be your priority, even through all the planning and stress. Continue to date each other. Put quality time together on the calendar. Don't neglect your relationship over your wedding prep list.
- It's okay to cry. Don't bottle up your stress until you burst. It's not good for you, it's not good for your partner. And it doesn't help alleviate the situation by pretending it doesn't exist, or it doesn't bother you.
- This is the most beautiful time of your life. Enjoy every single moment.
That was a very weird list, I know. I'm in a weird headspace. Like I said...those late invitations have got me in a way, and it's all I can do right now to keep from bawling my eyes out.
So. Keeping my head above the waves for now.
Have a wonderful Easter weekend, my friends.
Love, Caralyn
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