There is a joke about BDSM and it goes like this: BDSM, where no means yes and pineapple means stop. It makes consent sound like a convoluted mess but really and truly it is simple.
A dominant must earn consent as well as their partner(s) submission each day because at any time the submissive can freely choose to no longer submit or give their consent for whatever they choose.
Always know and respect a partner's safewords and/or gestures. Just a quick note, going forward safeword will be used rather than repetitively saying safeword/gesture. Traditionally many have a safeword for a 'yellow light' meaning play is closing in on their current limits as well as one calling for an immediate STOP. When the stop safeword is used it means stop, now. It does not mean stopping in a few minutes because you are close to orgasm or any other reason. This safeword is revoking consent, period, and end of the story.
When looking around kinkeriffic blogs there are so many posts that say things like "What Daddy Wants, Daddy Takes" or "Mine anytime, anywhere" and there is truth to those statements when the d and s types in those partnerships have discussed beforehand and the submissive has consented to allow certain things to be 'taken' or what things are specifically made available 'anytime, anywhere'.
Some say that once a submissive says yes to something once, this is consent for this activity again and again. This is wrong and should be a red flag for everyone. Just because someone consented and sucked a d-type's baloney pony six months ago, it does not mean they still consent today and the dominant can whip out the wang for sucky-sucky.
When it comes to consent/non-consent play, consent must be negotiated and received BEFORE play happens. These types of scenes must be thoroughly discussed as part of the preparation for them.
Until a D/S partnership and those involved know each other intimately and very, very well dominants must go above and beyond honoring just safewords. Respect all of an s-type's words, for example, if they say: stop, wait, hold on, just a minute, I cannot move, or anything along those lines, stop the play and make sure they are fine and dandy. Do not expect a submissive to feel one hundred percent comfortable using their safeword in the beginning (remember submissives do not want to disappoint their dominants) and if safeword skills have not been practiced together especially when the relationship is new, the dominant does not know their reactions instinctively so it is indispensable that all the s-type's words are honored and respected.
Lastly, something heard over and over through the years is that submissives sometimes after the fact will say "I wished I had used my safeword but I did not want to disappoint the dominant". The use of a safeword should never be something that is seen as weak, disappointing, or anything other than a sign of strength. It should be a red flag to any submissive if they encounter a d-type who reveals that the use of a safeword is 'disappointing'. If a submissive uses their safeword a dominant should be proud of the submissive and express this to them at the moment and follow up by communicating the same thing after play.
Consent is mandatory, so dominants be smart and always make sure to have your partner's full consent and when a submissive uses their stop safeword, stop immediately because they are revoking consent.
As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.
©TLK2023
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