Perhaps you have heard this wedding story. It is a few minutes before the ceremony is to begin the bridesmaids, groomsmen, father of the bride, and the bride are huddled in the back of the church. The bride is nervous, shaking a little and her Dad is at a loss on how to calm her. The best man steps in to break the nervous tension. He calmly puts his arm around the bride and very soothingly says: "There is nothing to be nervous about, this is a piece of cake. All you have to do is walk down the aisle with your Dad, then stand at the altar and we will sing a hymn." The bride nervously nods understanding and the best man continues: "Just repeat after me until you have it down. Aisle, altar, hymn." She begins repeating this out loud, with the rest of the wedding party biting their tongues, and during her third repetition, she bursts out laughing thus calming everyone's nerves.
This humorous story has nothing to do with the lifestyle but perhaps it can point thoughts to how people are "teaching" and others are learning about BDSM. A big complaint from many and sadly many newer dominants is that books as well as educational blog posts are too lengthy and they are pressed for time.
How does one learn about the lifestyle if they are not going to read?
Some people step out and become active in their in-person community, attend events, and have sought out experienced mentors but all of those routes also involve the investment of time. These are more time intensive because these involve scheduling around others as opposed to reading which can be done on your schedule. Looking around the kinky net, what passes as knowledge is disseminated in quick little 5, 10, or 20-step mantras or guides. Offering advice such as the five steps every good submissive follows or ten traits the top dominants in the Western World all share. These step-by-step instructions are typically paired with a sensual picture sexualizing the so-called educational component.
The lifestyle is very complex and deep and learning it cannot be completed in a few hours of perving on Tumblr, Reddit, or FetLife. While there is nothing wrong with investing in these quickies as many do contain wisdom but D/S requires a person to do a deep dive. There are no shortcuts to creating a base of knowledge. Even experienced people need to keep up with their continuing education because the lifestyle is vast. The more a person learns about D/S the more they know there is so much more to explore and discover.
Something else about the speedy quick, condensed book educational curve is these ditties often miss the most amazing part of the journey into the lifestyle. The best part of the trip to BDSMville is the self-discovery that occurs and is never-ending. There are no shortcuts on this voyage of enlightenment, no Google Maps to point out the quickest route or exactly where the journey will terminate. A person's path to their lifestyle destination is created by pushing forward, learning, and growing with every step forward.
Size does matter because the amount of a person's investment in learning and growth will impact what they get from the lifestyle. There is no shortcut on the road to being a better person while blossoming in the D/S role that fits one's soul.
What lifestyle books or resources do you recommend?
As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.
©TLK2023
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