"The world is going to give you beauty, but it will also give you pain. The greatest lesson you will ever learn is that this, too, is a gift." - Bianca Sparacino
Human beings are social creatures who possess an intrinsic desire to love and be loved. Yet, although most of us will 'fall for someone' over the course of our lifetimes, it doesn't always have the 'happily ever after' ending as it was in the fairy tales - for ideologies clash and preferences change thus inevitably, lovebirds have to part ways, which is okay.
Yet, I am a little bit perturbed by the kind of society we live in - one that glories in the 'cancel culture', 'cutting off' people at the slightest incidence of disagreement. Closer home is an all-familiar chant that has created a buzz for some time now. Or who hasn't heard of "kuoga na kurudi soko" which is loosely translated to mean getting a 'bath' and going back to the 'market', after a breakup?
I believe that any verbalized sentiment is indicative of harbored intent. So here's my bone of contention. First, the myriad and inexplicable emotions involved due to severed emotional ties are relegated to a level of mere dirt - quick to soak and easy to wash. Hence, it is expected that one should move on almost immediately. Whoever doesn't is looked down upon as weak and clingy.
Next, human worth stands undignified when dating and courtship is somewhat commodified - or what else is traded in open-air markets apart from manufactured commodities and farm produce? Further, think of it using this analogy: very few consumers who buy tomatoes in the market care to know about the specifics such as the nature of inputs applied, place of origin, etc. As long as they are succulent and sizable, then the deal is as good as done. Therefore, my hunch is that anyone who buys into this 'market' perspective, when looking for a partner, will most definitely tend to focus on the 'match makers' - looks and size of bank account instead of the 'deal breakers' - level of assertiveness, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence.
Can you now visualize the existing disconnect? And how bleak the future is unless we rethink the scripts which overwhelmingly bombard us? Truth is, if we don't recalibrate and readjust our thought processes, then matters of importance such as grieving and detaching will continuously be infantilized and trivialized. Equally, there will always be a lot of undue pressure for emotionally unstable people to fall into rebound relationships and situationships. And what's the price for all these misdoings? People's mental well-being will continually be jeopardized and compromised.
This day, my heart goes out to all those going through emotional pain due to past or present relational strain. As I have written in this column before, please make sure you grieve appropriately - go through all the five stages as advanced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Time is all you need - to get better and rebuild yourself. And this is my wish and prayer for you, words I found on the internet: "And one day when we heal, we shall talk about the failed relationships that we trusted in, the inner demons that we fought in absolute silence and we'll be at peace once again with ourselves."
Cheers, good people to a week and lifetime characterized by recalibrated perspectives.
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