How can I Tell if I can Trust Him Again?

Don't Lose Hope

Mar 24

This is one of the most difficult questions – for if he did it before, then he could do it again. Which is why you're afraid - as there are no guarantees.

So how can you assess if the change is genuine – and he really is committed to being different now?

1. Let's start by stating the obvious. There has to be a sense of genuine remorse, and a genuine desire to put things right. What is your gut really telling you here? It is often hard to know, or to trust yourself.

Do you think he's genuine? What makes you think he's truly changed? Be concrete and specific. Try to list the different things.

2. Your partner should communicate he owes you a huge debt. In fact, he owes you a huge debt that can never be repaid. And the focus of his life (at least, at this point in his life) should be making up to you for all the heartache he has caused.

3. Is he willing to be honest and accountable? Is his life an open book? Has he put some checks in place? Do you feel those are sufficient to give you peace of mind?

4. Does he let you ask him questions – even though they make him squirm? Is he willing to be honest about everything he's done? If he's cagey or evasive, this should sound a warning bell.

5. Has he looked at all the reasons why he did the things he did? Has this led to major changes in the way he lives his life?

Has he identified his triggers? Does he know what he can do when he feels he's being tempted, or he's feeling vulnerable?

6. How has he changed in his relationship with you? Do you feel you're more attached, and more connected as a couple?

7. Has he lied or been dishonest in any way at all (since you discovered the betrayal, and learned he'd lied to you)? Do you feel he is trustworthy, and would tell you everything?

"The truth is I don't have trust issues. I'm just very aware. I'm not pessimistic. I'm just realistic. I've seen human behaviour at its best, and at its worst. So, now, I just sit back and observe. I'll never fall victim to words again. Because it's really about behaviour. Behaviour never lies." – Sylvester McNutt

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