Dearest Rachel -
I feel like you might want to know about how things went yesterday afternoon, considering I'd mentioned it the other day, particularly regarding how I had to adjust my schedule in order to attend. And yet... there's not all that much to tell you about it.
I'd been asked by email a day or two before if I could show up early to help with the setup; while I told Lisa that I couldn't promise anything, I did say that I would try. At the time, I had yet to check with Daniel as to which service he would be attending, and whether we would both be adjusting our schedules. When he elected to keep his usual time (thus precluding my joining him, as I'd literally need to be in two places at once), I went to the Saturday service instead, which ought to have freed me up to assist everyone at Willow.
The trouble with that was – and you'll recognize this situation as soon as I describe it to you – is that now I went from practically having to teleport over from one church to another to having all the time in the world to get over there. And you know what happens it the latter circumstance; you don't want to show up too early, when no one's there to tell you what to do with regard to setting stuff up. So you dawdle around at home, waiting for Daniel to wake up so you can see him off to church; and then you bring something to drop off elsewhere on your way over there. And before you know it, you're running late, and you don't even know it.
Actually, part of the reason I wasn't aware of how late I was had to do with the fact that I thought the get-together was starting at one o'clock. With that in mind, arriving a little after noon would give me just a little less than an hour to assist; which, when I didn't promise anything, would still prove me to be useful. You can probably already guess that the schedule was different from what I had assumed; things were set to start by twelve-thirty. I still got there early (although not so much as to find a decent parking space; with the gathering taking place directly after the service, said service was still going on. Needless to say, it was quite the walk to the building), but by then, everything was more or less set up, apart from the food – and there were plenty of women who were assigned to that duty (and honestly, looking at me, I'm not sure anyone would have trusted me with any of it anyway – except perhaps for the salad).
I chose a seat at a table that positioned me in such a way that if someone came in with orders, I could be ready to respond as needed. On the other hand, while I was waiting, I pulled out my phone and started going through my news feed, so that may have made it look like I wasn't paying attention to any needs that were coming up and going unmet (and that would probably have been an understandable conclusion to reach). Equally problematic was the fact that by positioning myself so, I had my back to the stage for whenever there was any announcement or message from there, I would have to either crane my neck around, or reverse my chair. All in all, not the best choice. And it seemed that most other people agreed with this assessment, as, by the time everyone was situated, the meal was blessed and everyone was permitted to line up for a couple of slices, the table was only ever half full.
With the volunteer tag around my neck, I felt like I was supposed to be the one initiating conversation, but I was stuck for a topic. Well, that's not quite accurate; I had a question to ask everybody, but it didn't seem like the sort of question a single person would want to answer.
"So... what brings you here? How did you get here?"
To be sure, a literalist might just talk about driving to the church, and possibly go into where they live and how they came to attend the church hosting this group. But of course, since in my case I don't attend this church, I knew that I meant something more along the lines of "Why are you at this singles gathering? What brought you to this point?" Even I knew better than to phrase it so, as I really wouldn't want to answer that question.
You see, I can't think of an answer to that question that doesn't reveal something that we don't want to think about in our lives. I think it has to do with the societal implication that one isn't complete by oneself; and while you'd be quick to point out that's not true, and plenty of people are content and satisfied with being single (the girls, as a collection of examples – although I'm not sure about Kerstin), anyone who's here has, to some extent, bought into that implication, and is looking for some additional connection that they don't have, and feel a lack because of it. But there are reasons behind this lack; reasons we don't want to deal with. With me, of course, it's just the trauma of having lost you. With many others, it's the pain of an acrimonious divorce (and don't talk to me about 'amiable' divorces. Sure, some are less vitriolic than others, but if you still get along, why separate? Someone doesn't want to be a part of this relationship).
And then there are others that... just haven't been able to find someone. Maybe they're too picky, maybe they aren't conventionally attractive, maybe their personality is off-putting, but no one has ever been willing to say "I do" to them. That's got to be the worst of all – unless you'd rather be by yourself (again, like the girls), in which case, more power to you, I suppose, but I doubt I'd see you in a place like this.
As much as I might want to know the stories behind everyone, even I'm smart enough to know better than to ask such a question. Fortunately, after the icebreaker, everyone was able to shift around from their original table, and while I didn't get into any similar conversation (at that point, we moved on to the message portion of the afternoon), at least I could fake my way through the discussion despite having not attended the service or heard the sermon.
Look, I can't – and shouldn't – expect to find someone to connect with deeply during a couple of hours in a single afternoon. That's like expecting lightning to strike, or to hit the lottery. It may seem a little disappointing, but that's how it goes. At least, I didn't walk into a conversational minefield with that little opening gambit. I just wish I had something better to begin with.
Anyway, keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck. I'm going to need it.
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