Rats Wait for All Men

Feminina O'Ladybrain

Feb 27

No spoilers

Butch:

I got nothing. February break broke me. Indeed, I started typing "April." instead of February. I hate breaks. I wish I was in a nice, quiet library. You made good life choices. Mostly. Sorta.

You get Mafia? GET MAFIA! Time is running out!

To expand on flaming pots....

Another thing I love is shoving a dude into fire made by one of those fire dudes. I can hear the conversation:

Smart Kevin: You sure about this, dude?

Fire Kevin: So sure. I'm going to throw this shit here, and BOOM!

SK: But it seems a tad unstable.

FK: You're gonna love it. It's gonna be great.

SK: But we're doing so well with these helmets and axes....

FK: Oh, stop it. Hey, you hear a sling? [THWACK] AIEEEEEE!

SK: Sigh. I so told you so. You should've listened but NOOOOO you had to be all fancy pants, all "I'm the guy with the new weapon," well, who's the level one loser now? Hey, stop pushing me AIEEEEEE!

Feminina:

I never got that skill. I got one for hitting two people in the head with one sling-twirl, but then really never used it much. Pushing people into fires sounds much more exciting.

Butch:

Oooo! I wanna whack people with the sling!

Also, I seem to remember a thing, early in the game, strangling dudes with the sling all Lara Croft style. I remembered that when it could've been helpful, but I never got the prompt to do it. Did I imagine that?

Aannnnnnnnnnddddd.....

Did you get Mafia?

Feminina:

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha no.

I never think about it, because I'm not using the Playstation! And last night I was chatting on the phone with my mom!

Tonight. Tonight I'll remember to sign in and check out the freebies.

Probably.

Maybe.

I don't remember strangling anyone with the sling, though it certainly seems plausible...

Butch:

While I know you very well, one thing I have never figured out about you is your relationship with PS freebies. Usually, free stuff is the stuff you remember the most. You love free stuff. It's often dangerous to get between you and free stuff. You also love video games. One would think the combination of "free" and "video game" would be something you'd run towards with gusto, and yet, you forget.

You can be enigmatic sometimes.

Feminina:

Indeed. I am a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a free fleece that I got from the lost and found at work. There is no accounting for it.

Butch:

You see? YOU SEE? You're WEARING free stuff!

And, while I mean no disrespect to a nice fleece, games are better than fleeces.

Feminina:

Depends on the game, man. Depends entirely on the game. There are plenty of games I can't be remotely bothered with, even for free.

Butch:

True. True. I see your point. There are a lot of free games that aren't worth the time.

But remember this one anyway because we're desperate. Desperation should expand your horizons. We have no other ideas.

Feminina:

It does expand them, but only so far.

We shall see.

Butch:

Well, get the thing. We may not play it, but better to have it, just in case.

Though, at this rate, I'm never going to finish rats.

Feminina:

I believe in you! You will. You won't be able to resist the thought of so many hundreds of thousands of rats on one screen.

Butch:

I WANT to play. I do! But this is the phase we get to with every game. You've been done long enough to read at least nine long books, and I'm realizing that my family does not allow me to have enough free time and I'm sad.

Feminina:

Awww...don't be sad. Think of all the flesh-eating rats! They're waiting for you, and will wait patiently until you have some time.

Butch:

What is this "time" of which you speak?

Oh, right. That stuff I had before I had kids.

Or was that "money?" Or "Food in the house?"

Feminina:

Someday, after the rats have eaten everything in the house but you have managed to escape through clever use of lighting, you will have time.

I mean, they will probably have eaten the PS5 too, but the time will be there.

Butch:

That's like that Twilight zone episode where the dude just wants time to read, then the world ends and he's all alone, then he breaks his glasses. An update for the modern age.

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