For many years, I've taken time at the end of December to reflect on where the year has taken me, and to set intentions for the year ahead. I will also take time through the year to reflect and assess, because living in a deliberate and conscious way is very much part of how I do my Druidry.
One of the things I've managed to do in terms of following through on intentions, is being more open to my intuition. Right now, my gut feeling is that many aspects of my life are hanging in the balance and that much depends on other people's decisions. The intentions I hold might not amount to much unless a number of other people decide to align their intentions with mine.
Where I'm most confident at the moment is around the writing side of my life. There are good things going on around my old Fast Food at the Centre of the World novel - so good that I'm going to write a sequel! David and I will be working on the second Wessex novel, and that's a creative partnership and process I entirely trust and feel very good about. There are other projects that I hope will work out but are less certain.
One way or another, I'm going to invest more in music this year. Exactly how that works depends on who else wants to do what, and this is an area of my life that is definitely going to be informed by other people's choices. There are lots of interesting possibilities and a number of people I want to work with, or at least jam with.
In recent months I've seen a version of me I like a lot - more confident and more able, emerging a bit from the crushing despair and from the restrictive influence of panic. There are things I can work with on my own here, but change so far has not been a solitary project, and is unlikely to be so going forwards. Some of this depends on what other people choose. I've had some really powerful and encouraging conversations with Tom about what we can choose as a household, and that has the potential to make a lot of difference. I'm on a trajectory that feels powerful and hopeful.
I'm aware at this point that improving my mental health, and for that matter, my physical wellbeing, is going to call for decisions on my part. I'm going to need to hold better boundaries, and to be more willing to do things that feel selfish - like saying no to people when I'm under-resourced. I need to pick my fights more carefully, and focus on the situations where I can do some good, rather than being exhausted by things I cannot change.
I've got a lot of uncertainty on the work front, because so much depends on whether I can get my body well enough to support taking on anything else. I've had too many days in the last year where I could not have made it out of the flat. I don't know what I'm going to be able to do, which makes it hard to set intentions. If I get the low blood pressure sorted out, I will have more options. With two new books coming out next year with publishers, and some self-pubbed stuff on the way as well, it would be good to be able to dig in with that, too.
I'm going to invest in learning more about Latin dance - youtube tutorials mostly. I like learning new things, I love dancing and it feels like a project that will align with other things I want.
It's a much less focused and coherent set of thoughts that I usually come up with. I have very little idea where I'm going or what I'm doing with my life alongside a vague but appealing sense of how I want to change and who I want to be. More than anything, I want to deal with the mental health issues and get to a point where I can be happy. It's thinkable, and I can see how to do it. I think I'm underway, I've got the support I need, and I think a great many things are going to change as a consequence.
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