I'm not sure when I last wore lipstick, but it was years ago. I'm generally not very good at anything that feels like performing femininity, or trying to be attractive. By nature I am a scruffy goblin.
However, here I am in this photo, wearing actual proper lipstick, and trying to do something a bit deliberately sexy with my mouth. It turns out that if I set out to be a slightly seductive eldritch abomination, I'm much more comfortable with where that takes me. Sexy swamp goblin might be thinkable.
I've been in a kind of non-space with a lot of things for some time now. I'm trying to figure out how to be, and how to express myself around how I present. I'm questioning how I relate to my body. There are ongoing explorations around being embodied as a person who experiences a lot of pain, and whether there's anything I can do about said pain.
The context for this photo was making a video for an online event that's going to happen in February. Last January we did an online Hopeless, Maine event - hosted online by SteamMedia https://www.youtube.com/@steammedia . For this year we have the same core team, and some new contributors, and we're working under the broader banner of The Eldritch Broadcasting Corporation. While I was messing about with the lighting for the video, I took a few photos, and I rather like this one.
Modern beauty standards are narrow and demanding, and mostly about trying to sell us more stuff. Being an eldritch abomination is cheap - just a few smears of face paint required. It doesn't matter about age, or gender or body shape. Being an eldritch abomination is much more inclusive and accommodating. It turns out that for me that also feels a lot more powerful.
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