I don't want to mean more to you than I mean to myself. I want to mean what I mean to you, whether it's less than actual, but let it be not more. I want to mean more to myself than you.
I think it is selfish for me to mean more to you than to myself. It's selfish for me to mean more to you than you mean to yourself. Though being selfish is better for our own hearts, meaning more to you than I mean to myself is worse selfishness.
Letting someone mean much to you is the straight path to hell.
It isn't bad that someone means something more to you, yet it's worse. Every time you let someone mean more to you, you begin expecting more from them. And no mortal is capable of giving more than they can give.
We are takers by default. We enjoy taking more than giving. We are cautious to tread the paths where we get more than we give. We take more from or want to take more from the person who means more to us.
It's difficult to mean more to ourselves because we are intimate with our knowledge of ourselves. We know our flaws, our evils, our coldness, and our warmth. And between the warmth and the coldness, we identify so much with the coldness that we lose sight of the warmth. How do you expect more from something evil, cold, and flawed? Nearly impossible.
I want you to mean more to yourself than I mean to you.
to you.
When I don't come through when you think I should, it won't be one big wahala. When you mean more to yourself than I do to you, you'll be grateful when I come through, and you'll be grateful too when I don't, because you'll have the chance to get through on your own.
No one will always be there for you. No one will come to rescue you because everyone is busy rescuing themselves from the belly of whatever swallows them. It's only when you mean more to yourself than others mean to you that you really begin to enjoy the caged freedom of life.
*wahala is a word from Nigerian pidgin meaning problem.
Kabwere Musa
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