A Love Letter To My Future Partner

Nafisaislam

Dec 29

As my partner, there are some things inside me, I want you to know about. That's why, I am writing this letter to you. I want to tell you about me. I want you to know me from deep inside.

Finally, I understood what I needed in love. I need to be completely accepted by you. Some parts of me are too difficult to accept. I can't deal with them. So, I thought to not bother you with them.

I am not that kind of lucky to be accepted by someone when I am miserable for days. I thought it will take too much to handle me. Nobody will have that amount of time for me. I thought I am just a human. When I will get that kind of love, I will become selfish. It will be all about me. I always want everything for myself. But I can't take all your attention to myself for that reason. You won't have that much time for me. I can't want your love when I am unable to love myself.

Asking somebody else to make me feel worthy used to hurt my ego. I am a self-dependent strong girl, right? Someone like me doesn't need others to make them feel better. If I am feeling worse, it's because of my issue. I shouldn't take your help with that. You won't have that much time and understanding for me. Nobody ever had that.

Nobody ever cared about me enough. Everyone has a limited ability to love. Even if people care about me, that's never enough. Deep inside, I am always looking for never-ending love and attention. I thought that was a psychological problem.

I tried everything - from self-love to spirituality. But couldn't become self-sufficient. I felt incomplete, the way I always feel. I couldn't feel complete. I don't know if the idea of a complete person is a myth or not. There are so many things people say on earth about life and relationships. I thought they were the bitter truth of life and reality. But now they all feel like emotional fantasies of people. I don't know why people make these ideas in their heads.

Every human on the earth wants everything for themselves. What I realized is wanting things for me isn't selfish. It's me being human. In love, you will meet my every desire and need. That's why you are with me, right? I think I am unworthy and difficult for love. But that shouldn't stop you from loving me. You are there to fight against my darkness.

I don't want you to take me or my misery as a load. I just want you by my side when I am in pain. Because you are my partner. I want to be your world. I want you to give me all the attention I need. I want a world of our own where I get all the love and attention I need. I want the attention to be only on us.

I have listened to the therapist, baby. I have tried to create my world. I tried to be self-sufficient. I even tried to be emotionally satisfied. The more I try to be complete, the more I feel lonely. The more I try to lower my standard, the more I cry for the need for attention. Why the society notes emotionally needy people as too much? Everyone has got their own never-ending needs, right?

I am not too much for feeling incomplete. There is nothing wrong with me when I feel disgusted with the unreasonable, cruel world. All they can do is add more to my misery with their shitty opinions. What's the point of being in love, if you don't even have the time for me? Nobody is that kind of unavailable. I just want attention from you. The attention that I don't get anywhere. Unlimited attention. There is nothing wrong with wanting that. Everyone wants that. But people get them rarely.

I don't care what the therapist says to love yourself first. I love myself. That's why I want you to love me. I care about my opinion. But that doesn't mean I don't need you. I want you to listen to what I have to say too. I am strong enough to stay alone for the rest of my life. But I just don't want to. I want to share my life with you, with my incomplete overly needy me. I want to feel complete with you with our relationship. I hate people calling it misery or codependency. All I want is attention that never ends.

When I reach my breaking point, I don't need to hide my misery from you. Just because asking for support from you will be a sign of psychological issues in some people's eyes, I won't stop desiring you at that time by my side. We all love ourselves. But we also need to be loved by others.

Do you know what I realized? I don't need to be loved by the whole world. I just want my needs to be met. I want a curious ear. I want yearning eyes. I want a patient heart to rely on endlessly. I want you to be there for me all the time. Other things in life are meaningless anyways.

When you love me, you have to love me completely with all my parts. I will trust you completely. I won't mind getting miserable in front of you. I don't care about talking my heart to you and getting vulnerable in front of you.

All I want to say is I hate the cruel, unreasonable, and selfish world. I want all the attention and love from you. I want our world on this ugly earth.

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