We usually hear people saying, "You can't have everything all at once." Although, this is true at some point but there's a chance that we can. And I am telling you this because I personally experienced it. Yet at the end of the day, I just found myself asking, "Now what?"
Isn't it a nice thing when you look at the mirror and you see the reflection of the person that you just dreamed of becoming? In our own imaginations, this is a dream come true. It's a feeling of fulfillment. However, in reality, the fulfillment gets easily subsided with a feeling of pressure. Because of this, I've realized that achieving our dream lives is not the end goal. It's the whole process and we have to maintain it. And I think, what most people fail to see is that behind the surface-level of achievement, that we usually see on the internet, is where great responsibilities are found. The problem is we're not always inspired. You won't always be that enthusiastic/"I am ready to conquer the world." type of person. You will get drained. You will feel overwhelmed. Not to mention that the road won't always be a smooth one. You will get distracted. You will be interrupted.
So imagine having everything all at once? You will get doomed. You won't be having the opportunity to enjoy each of them. But instead everything will feel like a responsibility. And I personally got tired of setting myself in this motion of never-ending chase for "success". The sad part is when I've realized that I was too busy doing everything to feel great but at the end of the day, I longed for a little empty room where I could just simply breathe.
I was a firm believer that life must be balanced. But after years and years of trying to juggle everything all at once, I got burned out. I lost my focus which eventually resulted in me losing them all. These series of events made me realize that life is a matter of prioritizing and not balancing. Ask yourself, "What do I want in this chapter of my life?" Make sure your answers won't contradict or else things might still end up in chaos. Remember, it doesn't need to happen all at once. Sure, we should number our days because tomorrow is never guaranteed. Yes, we should take daily actions but not to the extent where we're no longer living our lives.
You are forever a work in progress. We have our whole lifetime to explore different things. We're just all humans trying to get along. So it's okay if you still haven't figured out something. Give yourself time and allow yourself to make mistakes. As much as I love giving advice, I still do believe that experience is the best teacher. Life lessons are not general. They are different from everyone.
May you stop judging people just because their ideologies are different from yours. We're not always coming from the same place. We don't live in a black and white world. This place is complex. Just like human emotions, it has many dimensions. We can be in a state of healing, grieving, living, hating, and loving all the same time. And it's okay. This is life. We shouldn't limit ourselves and our perceptions with certain labels because they don't fully define us. Not at all. Also, I would just love to add that anything that is not standard is not failure.
Speaking of complex, this world is bejeweled. We are all jewels whose sparkles bring shimmer in the night sky. Sure, we have imperfect sides but those cuts are what makes us unique and special from each other. And I guess, being confident is not about being perfect. But it's about embracing the fact that we are not.
It's unfair to put our loved ones on a pedestal and expect them to be someone that they are not. We will constantly disappoint each other. Fortunately, in-between of our lapses and shortcomings, grace is found. But when does too much become too much? At some point, you deserve what you tolerate. In this life, we get what we have the courage to ask for.
One of my favorite motto is "Jump in. Head first." which proved to me that our end is not really the end. There will always be another ocean worth diving for. And you will realize that sometimes it's not about the destination but it's about the bits of magic you stumble upon the journey.
We fell in love. We fell out of love. And then we decide to love. I know not everyone reaches the third phase but I hope you'll find someone who will choose to love you even when your light doesn't shine the brightest. I hope I'll find someone who will say, "I don't know either. But we'll figure it out… Like we always do."
I was having a hard time allowing myself to be vulnerable. Not until it dawned on me that why not? It won't make me less of a person. In fact, that's what makes me a person. Besides, help is available but only to the extent that you're present and receptive to it. At the same time, I caught myself being constantly disappointed and broken because I kept on fixing the things in somebody else's lives that only God can mend. So nope, don't try to be someone else's god. You are not. And you will never be.
We've been too caught up in seeking the right one but have we ever considered being "the right one"? I've realized that instead of trying to fix someone, why don't I try to focus on my inner work? To be deeply rooted in myself and to heal so I won't bleed on others. You know, you can't pour from an empty cup so why not fill your own cup first? From there, you can serve people better. And we usually take this for granted but please, make your physical body a priority. How would you be able to achieve those ambitions if your physical body gave up on you?
To be honest, I still have a lot of questions in mind but I've found out that some questions are not meant to be answered. And it's okay. Let it be. Sometimes, this is the only way to make ourselves free.
I know. I know. You know better this time but can you do me, at least, one last favor? Please, forgive yourself for not knowing better before.
Take it easy,
Yela, the wonderer
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