PEACE the Afterthought posted: " Some days I could be on my bed, trying to sleep or read a book and the little voice in my head will go off 'you can't concentrate till you chew something'. Or going through my day trying to work and I will feel so unsettled till I get it. And I won't" The Untamed Afterthought
Some days I could be on my bed, trying to sleep or read a book and the little voice in my head will go off 'you can't concentrate till you chew something'. Or going through my day trying to work and I will feel so unsettled till I get it.
And I won't care how cold or late it is either.
Hello there, I'm Peace and I think I'm an addict.
To ice, that is. (And this is no way to make light of the experiences of those who have gone through something heavier. Just thought I would share my experience)
I chew those cubes and pieces more than I want to. I know I have a problem. I'm aware of the damage every time my teeth grind on that frozen water.
Don't even ask me about the allure of it all. I know it's just water. I've looked up Pica and iron deficiency and depression (and I might have qualified for all three at some point in time. But this is the year of growth - even though there are only two months left I hope your October was happy and you've got solid plans for November).
I know the dangers too. I've looked at dental pages and browsed Google. I've dealt with some cracked and broken teeth already.
Is it putting a dent in my work? Who knows. I know I leave my table for more than half an hour sometimes just to scrape the ice from the mugs I place in the freezer (I work remotely in case that wasn't clear before).
Is it killing my relationships? That's probably a stretch. But I've been known to leave a conversation halfway just to get my ice.
Is it wrecking my health? Well, my teeth need extra prayers.
I've written about kicking this habit in my new years resolution three years in a row. This year, the idea was to just go cold turkey (that's what my brother advised last year). And I heard Dave Ramsey speak about change being a decision. Something instant. I can still hear his clap in my head.
What's the longest I've gone? About 26 days. I was so sure freedom was within my grasp.
Are we fighting this as a family? My mum got rid of all the ice trays. I'm sure if we didn't need them, the tumblers would be gone as well. They make some strange jokes in the hope of getting me to quit (like I don't already know I should). They once had an intervention meeting (okay, it was about something else, but they all brought up the ice chewing).
Do I hate that I'm still here? Yes. But sometimes the ice just tastes so good (yes, it's water and doesn't have anything distinct but I can feel? it).
Does it make me happy to chew ice? Yes. Yes, it does.
Anyway, I didn't think I'd be here at my halfway 26. I thought it would be better. But, navigating this has given me some level of compassion for other substance abusers.
I don't know if they are all that self-aware and walk around with a bit of guilt at failing to put something under control. I know I am.
I know I'd be lining up for a 'Get rid of your addiction potion' if someone was offering it. Moreso, if it worked immediately. Not the 'take twice a day for the rest of your life' kind.
They say the first step to recovery is acceptance - well, Recovery, here I am.
? My mum got rid of all the ice trays. I'm sure if we didn't need them, the tumblers would be gone as well. They make some strange jokes in the hope of getting me to quit (like I don't already know I should
). They once had an intervention meeting (okay, it was about something else, but they all brought up the ice chewing). 
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