You're not born disciplined (and that's OK).

nelacanovic

Sep 30

I consider self-discipline to be a skill, not a trait.

There's a big difference between the two concepts.

A trait — a characteristic that is specific to an individual — is determined by DNA or genes. For example, we can genetically inherit a specific hair color, eye color, or blood type.

A skill — the ability to do something well or to use knowledge to improve the way we perform an activity — is not determined by DNA. For example, we can learn a language that was not spoken by our ancestors. There's one element that is required to acquire a skill, however: repetition of activity over time.

Here's where your self-discipline can really pay off.

Ever heard of David Goggins?

He is a retired U.S. Navy SEAL who served in the Iraq War (and is now also a triathlete). Goggins calls self-discipline "the callusing of the mind." It means building a thick, impenetrable layer that will allow you to do what's uncomfortable so you can get out of your comfort zone and start shaping your life into something worthwhile.

He points out how beneficial it can be to practice self-discipline, and I agree with that mindset. For me, self-discipline as a skill is not just limited to physical endurance.

It is a way of thinking that anyone can practice if they want to.

We can decide today that we'll get better at a skill, whether it's physical strength training, managing stress better, or improving the way we work. We get to decide that we want to create something that has value, not just for ourselves but also for other people. And the most important thing — we decide that we will take action on it immediately.

So how do you start practicing the skill of self-discipline?

Tip #1. Start your day right.

The way you start the day — any day — is going to set the tone for whatever you do, try to do, want to do, and then actually do. You can choose to be reactive, which can mean you wake up, get your phone, and start checking emails, Twitter, or Instagram. You might watch the news and get caught up in world events, none of which you can control. Or, you might answer calls or respond to text messages that your friends start sending you as you're having breakfast. If you'd like to create a different beginning to your day, train your brain to be focused as soon as you wake up.

What's an easy way to do this?

Start your day with this question: What is the one thing I am committed to completing today? This technique trains your brain to focus on identifying goals that are important to you and forces you to prioritize the single goal you believe to be the most relevant at this moment. How do you start? Put it in writing. Write it in large letters on a sheet of paper and hang it on your bedroom or bathroom wall. Read it out loud as you start your day, for example as you're brushing your teeth or getting ready for work or school. Come up with an answer on the spot and answer it out loud. Then follow up by taking action — focus your energy throughout the day to complete your one thing.

Tip #2. Don't just go through the motions — do deep work.

You can say a lot of things to describe the benefits of leading a self-disciplined life, but being spontaneous in managing your day-to-day activities isn't one of them. There's time for spontaneity, and then there's time to do what you need to do. In other words, timing — just like in most other aspects of your life — is everything. Being self-disciplined means you do deep work (concentrating on complex cognitive tasks such as studying, problem-solving, and writing) first before you do anything for pleasure. It means you are aware of which times of day should be devoted to doing it, and which times can be allotted to entertainment and socializing.

What's an easy way to do this?

Make the most of your mornings by building a habit of doing your deep work early. This means taking full advantage of your circadian rhythm (your body's biological clock), which is your natural rhythm that "knows" what are the optimal times for you to perform certain tasks. For most people, the early morning hours are optimal for deep work. Specifically, the brain's peak performance is 2–4 hours after we wake up. So if you wake up at 6, then your peak time is until 10 a.m. Working early allows your brain to focus fully on the problem at hand, with fewer distractions, and fewer inputs from your environment.

Tip #3. Postpone what gives you pleasure.

If doing deep work early helps you focus better and get the biggest responsibilities out of the way, what you're also doing is postponing things that are more pleasurable. What's the point of doing something difficult first to reward yourself later? You'd be surprised how far-reaching this practice can be. In a study performed by Stanford University scientists, results showed that delayed gratification can increase your chance of succeeding in many areas of your life — your education, career, short and long-term goals, and even your personal life choices. This study is now famous and is called the Marshmallow Experiment.

What's an easy way to do this?

Start by observing the things you'd like to indulge in whenever the opportunity presents itself — for example, eating a large slice of chocolate cake or having a second portion of what you already ate for dinner. Then, resist the temptation to immediately choose to treat yourself by thinking of one reason why not to indulge: maybe you're focused on your new fitness goals or developing better eating habits. And follow up. Take your attention away from the distractions and focus on your priorities for the day: complete your homework, go outside for a run or walk, listen to a podcast on an interesting topic, or prepare dinner early so you have time to watch a movie later.

Tip #4. Don't be a Tik Tok addict.

Leading a self-disciplined life means you learn how to say no to many different things: no to giving in to temptations to indulge in pleasant activities, no to your desire to procrastinate on daily priorities, and no to distractions that take over your day. They may seem harmless to begin with, but distractions can easily make you slip from your work. One minute you're just scrolling through hilarious Tik Tok videos, and the next thing you know it's two hours later and you haven't picked up your notes to start prepping for the exam. But when you turn off what distracts you, you have a better chance to actually get stuff done.

What's an easy way to do this?

Be aware that distractions come from different sources, not just your electronic devices. Your goal is to dial down all types of distractions so they're not in your way. First, set your phone to Airplane mode when you need to focus on your work — try this for 2 hours. Next, let people around you (family members, friends, or roommates) know you won't be available during that time. Check your email and social media apps 2–3 times during the day; start around lunchtime and then check later in the afternoon. Avoid browsing the Internet or reading the news all day long. Close all tabs in your browser so you're not tempted to do yet another Google search.

Tip #5. Develop an attitude of "I want" instead of "I should."

Like with all other areas in your life, self-discipline is for the most part all about attitude. What's your understanding of self-discipline? Does it sound like a practice that is uncomfortable, unusual, harsh, or maybe extreme? If it does, it's time to take a second look because the attitude you have towards self-discipline will either help you or deter you from practicing it in your daily life. For me, it's never been about what I "should" do or what feels uncomfortable to do. It's all about what it can afford me. With daily practice, self-discipline trains my brain to prioritize the things I can control, allows me to let go of what I cannot, and frees me up to focus on my personal goals.

What's an easy way to do this?

Instead of focusing only on daily schedules and tasks, start thinking about your future and what you want to accomplish in 5, 10, and yes even 20 years. Even if practicing self-discipline may feel like you're sacrificing some things right now (chatting with friends or indulging in a delicious dessert), think about what leading a self-disciplined life will afford you. Write down a list of new habits you're practicing (or want to start practicing) that can add up to bigger results a year from now. Create time in your calendar to practice them — even a 30-minute session is enough to begin. When you understand the benefits of leading a self-disciplined life, you are more likely to nurture it. It will become a lifestyle that will take you into the future you want for yourself.

If you're like me, you may prefer to have a printout of tips so you can reread them and write notes in the margins. That's why I put these steps in a printable workbook called Develop a Self Disciplined Lifestyle. It includes tips, a workbook section, a list of recommended readings, and a weekly gratitude journal template. You can learn more about it here.