Personality conflict and blame start at home. I have a home where everyone is at emotional war with other person.
My mother has listened to all kind of bad behavior from my father. She also listens to irritations of my brother. But she never raise voice. So my father and brother stayed with her even when they didnt like her. She on the other hand seeked other females to share anger and irritation faced in her relationships with men. As per her, one person has to make all sacrifices to build a relationship.
My mother has a different side with females. She is jealous,critical, always exploding and angry towards other females in her life including me.
My brother is always irritated over every small thing. I used to take stand for me and in turn he started disliking me and avoiding me. He started blaming me for being emotional and not an easy going person. For some time, i started pleasing him by just listening to his outbursts and pretending that everything is fine because i wanted him to love me. This does not changed anything and in fact this causes me to lose my own ground.
My father also stayed with my mom because she used to be a doormat. In childhood I could not take stand for myself but in adult hood , I started speaking for myself so my father withdrew.
Many times i have stopped myself because i didnt want closed ones to withdraw but now I am trying to change. I am trying that no matter who is misbehaving and who is withdrawing, I will try to take stand whenever they will raise voice on me.
I have started spending time alone and trying to be happy in my company so that I dont become so dependent on closed ones that they can misbehave anytime they want. They have taken me for granted and misbehaved.
I am not against them as they have their own traumas/triggers but they are unhealthy and not working to make themself healthy. I will take stand whenever anyone behave in an unhealthy manner.
The important thing for me is to not keep anger inside me, take stand in respectful/kind manner, understanding their pain points and not being afraid to be alone.
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