"Those exposed to acute and chronic stress by their childhood conditioning, lost their ability to engage in the necessary fight or flight behavior, and were impaired as a result. It left them open as targets for illness. The fundamental problem is not the external stress, such as the life events where tragedy arose, but an environmentally conditioned helplessness that permits neither of the normal responses of fight or flight. The resulting internal stress becomes repressed and therefore invisible eventually having unmet needs or having to meet the needs of others is no longer experienced as stressful. It feels normal. One is disarmed". (Gabor Mate)
You couple this physiological exhaustion with the enemy assigning a "people pleasing-based control" spirit to it, and the person will have no value outside of helping others before herself. She becomes a host to the people pleasing demon. The need to give herself "away" to gain love or worth can utilize the "martyr-based control spirit" which will further exasperate her declining health. To be quieted for the sake of others to speak their mind, she could serve and perform on the outside while resentfully reminding herself that action is never rewarded. She could very well heal others at the cost of her self. Without boundaries she is an open target for the enemy to keep her performing at the loss of those relationships only after the abuser tires and moves on, leaving her shocked at not having placed bounds on her own behalf. A system like hers will not merely change by thinking a better thought or declaring an affirmation to change her beliefs. It will require identifying the chronic stress of childhood where boundaries were broken that preceded her poor choices with others later in life who reiterated that same theme.
The trauma bond was never severed with her parents so she subconsciously and apparently attracts familiar people to bond with, a disguise as hope of rewriting a different ending to a tumultuous story. The longing for fixing the disconnect with care-takers could once again disarm her health. But give her a moment to seek truth from within and the pause that gives her breath back, she could recalibrate her direction. New heights, new horizons can become what arms her to re-parent herself and alleviate pain of the past as she turns inward. She closes her eyes, looks within and finds parts of herself that have outgrown the past narrative and seek an exchange for freedom. Parts unburden the responsibility to cater to the outside world and its demands. When light, wind, earth or water can absorb the pain of working so hard for connection, the suffering is gone. She picks up a new arsenal of positive qualities and treks forth on brand new ground, equipped with weaponry of peace, calm, creativity and compassion. She is transformed part by part and armed with self love that is sustaining.
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