[New post] Weight loss is hard because food is delicious: July
Larney posted: " This is the month I stick to all my diet plans, this is the month I see progress. This is the month I DO NOT quit. I do not give in. I do not stop! Wellllll..... right after the wine tasting! Monday 4th July, oh, the 4th of July is something somethin" Oh Larney!
This is the month I stick to all my diet plans, this is the month I see progress. This is the month I DO NOT quit. I do not give in. I do not stop! Wellllll..... right after the wine tasting!
Monday 4th July, oh, the 4th of July is something something somewhere in the world right? America? I need to celebrate this... No! No I do not! I'm in South Africa and it's just another Monday. This week is supposed to be the coldest week (again ) and food is so comforting! But nothing tastes better than how sesxy feels Larney! Lies!! I can think of sooo many things! FOCUS Larney! I'll really be proud of myself come Spring, September! I've done this before, I can do it again! I WILL DO IT again!
I'm in a weird space, stuck between trying again and just quitting
July 4th, whooping 69.7kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh sweet baby Yeses! I had a pie for breakfast just to make myself feel better. It did make me feel better. Maybe I need to go for lipo guys... or the non invasive version, laser lipo. I'm telling you, weightloss is really hard because food is delicious! After the second pie, I ordered weight loss pills for obese patients. I need to do something guys, desperate times call for desperate measures. Lord knows I can't do it on my own, well I can but not this time around...
When my magic pills get here, I'll boost it with apple cider vinegar shots in the morning. These weightloss things always make people fertile, I've seen it over and over again, people lose weight and them boooom, pregnant, these things wipe the fat and your contraceptives off! So we'll need to return to condoms asap.
I know I'm going into a dangerous paths and all the health freaks and experts, leave me alone, we are all going to die anyway.
I've increased my water intake, prepping to help the diet pills when they arrive. I resisted the urge to buy pork ribs today, man!
Today, today 6th July, I woke up with a grateful heart, it's tough economic times and I'm grateful for being able to hold my head above water. Anyway, in this grateful state, I snoozed only once compared to the usual 6 snoozes I do, then I did 10 burpees because nothing changes if you don't make a change okay? Say that with me, Nothing Changes If you don't make a Change... I could exercise before my body realised what the fuck I was doing! I was planning to go to gym but I have dinner plans with a friend. I took a dump, them a bath then had a cup of coffee on my drive to work. Usually I don't have time to make a cup, obviously because of the 6 snoozes which means I'm rushing at 7:15 hoping I'll get to work at 7:00! Long story, sorry, if I get the coffee at home, I finish it before I get to work which means I can start drinking water all day. If I don't make the cup at home then I have to make it at work and then it's hard to stop and switch to water! It's complicated. The scale said 69.3kg this morning! The plan for July is to get to 61kg LOL!
Let me face my demons, 1, I'm lazy to exercise in the morning, like real exercise like running or hitting the gym, then I justify it by saying that 'it's 80% diet and 20% workout' so really there's no need to go running so early. 2, I love food and have used it to 'reward' myself and 'comfort' myself and 'congratulate' myself and 'cheer' myself up and every other emotion on top of genuine hunger.. So I don't know how to use food just as fuel.... 3, my periods take me on a whole depressive stage every month and regardless of my determination, I get thrown off the regime I spent 2 weeks building, so every month I need to 'be kind' to myself because no one cares about me (generally), you know, keys to your own happiness are in your own hands and what happens? point number 2. At 34, this roller coaster has just exhausted me far beyond the line of giving a fuck! but giving up means I'll be fatter and that's even more depressing.
Sigh! Man this is hard! This is so hard, I envy people who can do rolling 72hours intermittent fasting. I know that the main key is discipline, I used to have plenty and now? nothing!
New plan, I feel like I have a new plan every day! New plan is to not eat Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I'll just have hopes for breakfast, dreams for lunch and fantasies for dinner. Just for next week. On Tuesday I'm going to eat 2 meals, lunch and dinner, Thursday it's OMAD. That's it, that's the plan... Apparently the extended intermittent fasting is beneficial, and as hard as it sounds, it's necessary too. Here goes nothing!
I just remembered who the fuck I am and DOING IT!!!
I read a post from a blogger who's on the other end of the spectrum on this weight issue. She's currently in hospital battling anorexia, sneaking in ankle weights to weigh more, she's ordering food online just to binge and puke it all out, she's taking out her feeding tube to throw up every meal, and putting it all back down her throat to her stomach, replacing the 'liquid food' with water and just honestly doing the most. She's an adult and weighs 39kg but aiming for 35kg!! She has a BMI of 13. This weight issue is honestly deep. I wanted to comment but realised she uses this as an outlet and it's the only place she can be truthful and I didn't want to take that away from her. My heart bled for her as she says she'd rather die than gain. She's proud of being manipulative and successfully lying to the nurses and doctors and her family. It broke my heart and I had a huge sausage and chips. Bumping into this post made me dive into the 'eating disorder' pool and I've been stalking some posts of that topic. It's a bit of a trigger for me as mean sis used to be bulimic and that was super hard for us as a family. Fast forward 20 years and she still doesnt eat infront of people, or us. I'd cook and she'd have an excuse for 4 days as to why she hasn't tried to eat it then eventually throw it away. I don't like going out for lunch or dinner because she takes a bite and doggy bags it to throw it away at home so why are we even there...? Sometimes I hear the microwave ping at 3am. So it's a super sensitive topic.
Tomorrow it's our 6 month-eversary! And I realised that that means I've been trying to start and failing my diet for over 6 months. Untitled must be tired of hearing me say I'll start on Monday, he keeps saying I'm sexy AF but this guy hasn't met SUPER SEXY LARNEY. I keep telling him that he doesn't know how sexier I can get. This guy might start thinking I need confidence and reassurance pep talk, NO, I know I'm sexy AT THIS MOMENT, I just want to get sexier, which I've done before. I'll blink and it will be 1 year anniversary and I'll still be saying I'll start. I'm no longer ranting and raving and posting and whatever else I do besides just sticking to the fucking plan! It's time to shut up and show up. Enough yada yada, time for results (or at least action). Enough planning, time to just do it!!
Going on diet Monday 11th of July, food is delicious guys, I already want to cry. I feel like food holds me hostage! But you know what? When I hit my goals, the very same delicious food will still be there. Right? Right??
I just want to be comfortable in my clothes and not have to look like a stuffed turkey I just want to not worry that my bra is too tight and exposing my back fat IN A SWEATER! I just want to work out in workout clothes and not cover up in oversized clothing. I just want one chin and not 2! I just want rolls on my plate not rolls on my mid section. I just want to not have to angle my tittie tuesday pictures to Untitled. I just want to get into the 'normal' range with my BMI.
I don't think I'm asking for a lot!
Monday 11th, 67.9 KG - I eat so much, when I'm with Untitled, he feeds me all sorts of delicious things! The weight loss is probably because I had to puke my guts out on Sunday. I was so sick, alcohol is rejecting me these days, I must take the hint. Waiiiiit.... I hope its not.... nevermind. Can't be! I'm supposed to fast all day today, I had one streak of bacon, it was so good, it doesn't count. I had a pie. I had chips! Honestly, the mortifing pictures from the weekend (the massages) should be enough to make me quit this fucking eating habits of a pig but NOOOO! The pills got delivered, tomorrow is day 1. It's the 12th, I've failed 12 times! yikes!
I'm eating a lot more than usual these days, I must take a pregnancy test. Fuck, I'd be so annoyed if I were! Anyway, my slimming pills (quick desperate fix) are here and now I'm scared to take them... Damn this conscience, messing with my sexiness! A pregnancy scare is just that, a scare. Doesn't matter if you are 16, 20, or 34!! It really is not the time to be pregnant, me and Untitled just celebrated or 6 months together, please God! I had McDonalds this morning and I feel it wanting to jump out the same hole I used to get it in my stomach.
Day one, Monday 11th Day one, Tuesday 12th Day one, Wednesday 13th, third time a charm.... These pills can't be good, my heart is beating out of my chest and I'm nauseous. I'm wide eyed but so sleepy. I'm shaky and everything is heightened and so so loud. Oh boy, I'm not too worried about dying but I'd be annoyed I won't lie. The good news is that I don't feel hungry, obviously you wouldn't want to eat if you felt like throwing up! I hope this feeling vanishes though because I can't live like this. Is this how anxious people feel? I feel scared for no reason and I'm dizzy! Fuck!
I did it! and didn't die ... yet! I had over 40 hours fasting and got on the scale, ladies, I HAVE GAINED WEIGHT! How's that even slightly possible? I won't lie, I shed a tear and decided I'm NOT giving up. I had fish and calamari and rice and chip, decent portions I promise. That 68,4 kg really demotivated me. Does this mean I must eat air PLUS gym....? I can't gym on an empty stomach! Oh man, the struggle is real...
I had one meal, had a small gym session on the 14th, woke up at 67,6kg on the 15th. I know I overweigh myself. I'm trying to stop, you guys know this. Took the pills again, planning on NOT eating all day. I don't know if it's the pills plus the pain killers or just general hunger but YOOOO I'm so Sick, I'm so ill! I threw up even the water I was drinking. I'm not quitting the diet thought. The dizzy nauseous spell lasts for an hour, I timed it. I had 2 teaspoons of yoghurt to calm my dramatic body from the tantrum of no food. I know this is not maintainable but I need to lose weight now.... Just threw up the yoghurt too... The good thing is that I'm not overly hungry though.... I know this is definitely disordered eating and I will stop this madness soon.
Wait, I hope this isn't morning sickness or some shit like that! I really must check.
Tested, NOT pregnant. phew!
Monday 18th July, the scale said 65,9kg LOL! Got off and on again, 68,4kg, that's more like it. This made me think the scale is rigged and I'd like to say I'll never get on it again but that's a lie. Tuesday 19th, 67.1kg... uhm ok... Wednesday 20th, fat pants feel loose a bit... no hopping on scale.
Monday 25th, 67.4kg ON PERIOD DAY 1, I must add! You know we are heaviest on period days so maybe I actually weigh 65kg? Could it be? LOL! Wishful thinking! This is also a problem because I'm kind to myself and whatever Larney wants, mostly food, just food really, she gets. Periods aren't nice, the world isn't nice, so PMSing Larney gets TLC, in food form, from Larney.
July weight loss: Epic fail. I lost maybe 1.5kg....? At least I didn't gain. August we try again...
Weight Loss is really really hard because food is really really delicious, FUCK!
August, I'm giving it my all....
... The end
I don't think I even maintained the 1.5kg weightloss because today, 1st of August, after the weekend binging and boozing, The sake said 69,3kg!
August, I'll give it my all, bought another quick fix, slimming coffee they call it. It had great reviews! LOL!
) and food is so comforting! But nothing tastes better than how sesxy feels Larney! Lies!! I can think of sooo many things! FOCUS Larney! I'll really be proud of myself come Spring, September! I've done this before, I can do it again! I WILL DO IT again! 
I feel like I have a new plan every day! New plan is to not eat Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I'll just have hopes for breakfast, dreams for lunch and fantasies for dinner. Just for next week. On Tuesday I'm going to eat 2 meals, lunch and dinner, Thursday it's OMAD. That's it, that's the plan... Apparently the extended intermittent fasting is beneficial, and as hard as it sounds, it's necessary too. Here goes nothing! 
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