It's Narcissist Friday!
I get a chuckle every time I see a special notebook for sale that is labeled, "Passwords." Keeping a book with that title may help you remember the various passwords you use, but it is not keeping them safe. Unless no one has access to your computer, you need to hide them to keep them safe.
IT people will tell us that when they work on someone's computer, they often just have to look around to find the password. Some tape them under their keyboards. Some have them on a list in an unlocked drawer. And, I suppose, some keep them in a handy notebook marked, "Passwords."
As the world becomes more dangerous, we talk more about safety. We try to keep our money safe in reputable banks. We try to lock our cars and homes. We try to stay away from places and situations of risk. We make as sure as we can that our children are safe.
Some neighborhoods now have "safe places" where children or adults can go behind a locked door. Someone walking home from school or work might duck into one of these places if they feel threatened or stalked. People buying something on Craigslist might meet a stranger for the transaction at a police station or some busy public place where they can feel safe. We understand the need for safe places more and more.
People in narcissistic relationships will understand the need for a place of safety. Narcissists and other abusers oppress their victims by monitoring and hovering. Some have told me that they felt continually under surveillance. The narcissist would read their mail and their texts. I knew one who logged the miles on his wife's car every day. Some even installed cameras in the house to keep track of their spouses.
I have suggested that everyone should have a safe place, a place where they can gather their thoughts, let out some anger or grief, even pray without interruption. Some have found safety in places the narcissist would not go, perhaps an area with cleaning supplies or a place with unpleasant memories for the abuser. Others confide in friends or neighbors and find a safe place outside of the narcissist's control. My advice has been that those in unsafe relationships should have an exit strategy complete with a place to go.
But a physical "safe place" is often difficult to maintain. The narcissist will discover it and make it unsafe. He/she will try to make your friend turn on you. He will take your space for some "project." It might last a while, but then be gone.
The Scripture offers images of the "cleft of the rock" or the "hollow of His hand" or the "strong tower." Those are places of relationship. In other words, run to Jesus. Find your peace in your awareness of His presence.
In those times when you cannot go to a physical safe place or when you find your place invaded by the danger, look to Jesus. He is real, and He is with you. Pause the confusion and fear for a moment to think of Him.
You know you can pray without speaking out loud. So, pray. Tell Jesus that you need a safe place with Him. Ask for His protection and comfort. Ask Him to hide you in the cleft of the Rock that is your assurance and peace.
Everyone needs a safe place. Not everyone can have a physical place to go all the time. People in danger and captivity have found a place of peace in the heart of their Lord. There He will speak with you and comfort you. No narcissist or abuser has access to that place. It is yours. No matter what happens around you, the presence of the Lord who loves you will offer you peace. Trust Him.
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