I am of an age where we were taught to take what life gives you and then do something with it. Don't complain. Don't whine. Don't blame someone or something else for it, take responsibility. Grow up and be responsible for your thoughts, actions, and their consequences. That isn't to say this was easy, or that we were lacking in emotions or care and nor were we superhuman, it was just a different way of being. This is a world, not a womb…
We came from a place of love, of safety, of quiet… we all, each and every one of us, came from our mother's womb. This is a world we weren't invited into, it wasn't a choice; this was a place we were gifted, a space for us to grow, and develop, and be held safely until we were ready. When it was time, we were welcomed into a different world, one where expectations changed, attitudes changed, there were external happenings that created change for us and we had to keep up.
There were expectations on us, even as small humans, to learn and progress; to crawl and walk and talk and read and write. We had targets set; you need to know this by then and if you don't, they added a stigma. Heaven help you if you had a disability or challenge that you had to overcome at the same time, that was a tough expectation to manoeuvre around.
I am making that sound harsh I know, but I want you to understand that right from day one life is a challenge, life is hard, we have expectations that we have to manage and find our way through and too often I see parents bringing up their children in such a protective way that everything seems to hurt them (the child).
They grow up expecting everything to be gifted to them, easy, always the winner with very little input from themselves. This 'protection' that we are giving to our children is like trying to keep them in the womb… we want them safe, not bumped or banged, surrounded by layers of protection where they can grow in a safe environment. This is not reality…. this is a world, not a womb… they need to understand what comes with that and also how to manage it, alone.
Life is a challenge. Learning is not always easy. We fail more often than we win. But that is what makes us human – the ability to overcome challenges and create something more wonderful from them, and that includes ourselves.
Challenge doesn't have to be seen or portrayed as always difficult, never including fun or joy or laughter, hard and emotionless, something that you must 'get over'… challenge is beautiful because it is what helps us be better than we were, it gifts us space to see what we like, what we are good at, and what we want from ourselves and our life. Challenges are good. They make us stronger, resilient, courageous, adventurous, flexible, and well-rounded humans.
How challenges in life are received depends entirely on how we have been raised and, in my opinion, that is why we need to start raising our children to embrace challenges, and stretch themselves to reach their potential. Not in a whip cracking way. Not with 'consequences' if they don't reach what we as adults set them. Never with cruelty or pressure or stress. Children need to be taught that challenge is positive, fun, a pleasure, not easy but the outcome is worth it.
Help the children understand what the point it, why they need to read more, try more, seek more, digest from culture, literature, science, maths, philosophy (whatever directions your child leans) and if your child is struggling for whatever reason, do not label them, certainly do not allow others to label them; keep going until you find what it is inside that they are here to do, to learn, to show, to be an expert at (and yes that includes being happy in life).
It is your job as the parent (in fact your only job as a parent) who created this small human (who never asked to be here or have expectations set for them), to find what makes their soul sing and you never stop until you help them realise the very thing they were born to be. There is nothing written that the only time you succeed is when you become a doctor, a master craftsman, a lawyer, an influencer, a popstar, a multi-millionaire (the list of expectations of success is endless). And it hasn't been written that failure or lack of success is being a kind and generous human who helps others, knowingly or otherwise, who shines a light for those in the dark, makes sad people smile or mends a heart by being able to sit and hold a hand without expecting anything in return.
This is a world and not a womb and we have to go through the tough, sad, difficult, challenging, crazy world the best way we can and we have a responsibility to the next generation to ensure they have the skill set, the compassion and trust and honesty, the ability to think and do for themselves, and a generosity of spirit to share what they have with those who are still learning.
We all begin in the womb and it would be lovely to think we could all go through our lives easily, without fear or danger or hardship or anything that makes the world a difficult one to find our way through, but the reality is we have created a bit of a monster and it is our role to ensure that we all travel through with the knowledge we need, and the ability to know and experience what happiness is… it isn't too much to ask or expect is it.
We will not be here forever. This upside-down world we have created will be. Let's ensure that whomever we leave behind has the understanding and ability and desire to ensure that they pass it all on a little better than how we left it. And it is all possible…
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