The Most Important Thing is How You Treat Yourself

Don't Lose Hope

Jul 23

"Treat yourself well, darling. We all have days when we feel less than we are."

Self-compassion is the extension of kindness, warmth, care and understanding towards ourselves when we're really hurting, or life is difficult.

But often this is very challenging for us.

It feels counter-cultural – and sometimes even wrong – and especially for those who have learned to 'be strong', and to always put the needs of other people first.

If this is an area you tend to struggle with then the following exercises might help you with this:

Exercise 1: How Would You Respond to a Friend?

1. Think of a time when a close and valued friend was struggling with something that was difficult for them. If you were able to be with them, and could offer them support, how would you have wanted to respond to your friend? Think of both your verbal and non-verbal messages. What sorts of things might you have said to that person? What would your tone of voice have been like? How would you have wanted them to feel about themselves after opening up and sharing their deepest self with you?

2. Think of those occasions when you're struggling in life. How do you talk to yourself at those times? Note your words, your tone of voice, your attitudes and body language. In general, are you cruel, harsh and demanding or encouraging and kind?

3. Compare and contrast your responses to these questions. To what extent do you treat yourself in the same way, or differently from how you'd treat a treasured, precious friend? Brainstorm and list some possible reasons for this.

4. Is there anyone in your life who, in the past, treated you the way you treat yourself now? Are there any fears coming into play? What are your core beliefs about yourself, and other people?

5. How might you feel differently, and how might you change, if you treated yourself the way you treated a good friend?

Exercise 2: Making Time for Self-Compassion

1. Choose an area of life that is a source of stress for you. As you review the problem and its impact on your life, try to get in touch with all your different feelings and emotions. Where and how do you experience stress in your body? What sorts of thoughts run through your mind?

2. Now it is time to practise mindfulness. Begin by reminding yourself that this is something that is genuinely difficult for you. You feel weakened and you hurt; you feel helpless and weighed down.

3. Next, it is important to remind yourself that you are not alone – despite how cut off and disconnected you might feel. That is, suffering is common, and it happens to us all.

4. Next, take your right hand and gently place it over your heart. Now slowly and tenderly massage that area around your heart. Allow yourself to feel soothed and comforted by this.

5. As you engage in this activity, try to speak the words you need to hear right now – words of comfort and compassion, of gentleness and love. Some example might include:

- May I be gentle and tender with myself.

- May I be kind and compassionate towards myself.

- May I accept myself completely.

- May I believe in myself.

- May I be patient with myself

- May I forgive myself.

6. Relax and rest like this for as long as you need.

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