Lagos Hustle III

diaryofahappykid

May 19

ALEXA!!!!! Play me "Oh Eleduwa, yo mi ninu trenches"

Ever since the 18th of May, 2022, I've taken this song more seriously because my eye saw weeeeeeen! Before I start gisting you people, if you missed the first two episodes of my Lagos hustle, click here and here for the first and second posts respectively for the full gist. Now, let's talk about what my eye saw on that fateful day.

After close of work, the colleague I usually ride with broke my heart when she informed me that she didn't come with her car because it's faulty . You know what dah meinz??? It meinzzz I gatz fly bus aka Lagos Hustle loaded!!! I humbly started the struggz (struggle) and everything was going well until I got to the last lap of the journey and there was no bus at the bus stop. If you are familiar with the Lagos Hustle scene, you will know that there are people who use their private cars for commercial use; mostly on their way to and from work so a lot of private cars stopped to pick up passengers and based on normal level, lagosians were rushing any motor-car that appears. As a butty Lagosian wey no get power, I just stayed there praying for a bus that will carry me away from there because na so people phone dey lost in that rushing.

Anyway, after about 10 minutes, a bus arrived and as he announced my destination, I was the first to signal him to stop. Obviously, people started rushing there. Again, If you know anything about the hustle, you will know that the most coveted seat inside danfo is the front seat so people who dey run, ran there but a guy who was occupying one of the two front seats kept telling them there's no space. I saw the driver tell the "assistant driver" to let me sit in front as he pointed at me and I gladly entered the vice-presidential seat as the VIP that I am (Vice presidential because I was sitting in the middle. The presidential one is the sit beside the door which was occupied by the "assistant driver"). One thing about the Lagos Hustle is once there is traffic or the danfo drivers see that there are a lot of passengers and no buses, you are certain there will be a hike in price. Per usual, they increased the fare from N200 to a whooping N300 and nobody complained. Immediately I sat down, the driver said "see I put you in comfortable position, if not you for dey struggle with them to enter back". I smiled thanked him. Next thing, baba said I should buy him 2 boiled eggs to appreciate him. I chuckled and told him that the money I would have used to buy eggs for him is what I will use to pay the bus fare since they have increased it. He whined a bit and eventually bought his thing by himself... he gave the second egg to his assistant driver and I watched them literally gulp the egg down their throats.

In no time, the bus was filled up and we started our journey. The driver and his assistant were gisting in yoruba and enjoying themselves. Frankly, I was enjoying their gist too but something kept telling me not to smile at any joke they crack in Yoruba especially because I had sensed that the driver is a bit forward. I sha enjoyed listening to them talk about their wives, girl friends and girls that are trying to get their attention. They talked about the streets a bit and in between, I heard the driver speak fluent English. I was a bit shocked because e no even look like person wey go schoool at all but I did not react. They even stopped to buy those local gin inside plastic bottle and the driver jokingly told me "don't mind me oh. I don't drink, I don't smoke". In my head, I'm thinking, "God abeg. Don't let this driver have accident with this nonsense they are gulping down."

We had gone half way and we were now stuck in traffic. The driver turns to me and says "Where is your bluetooth?". Confused me said "I don't have". Then he said, "what about your earpiece?". Still confused, I said "it's in my bag". Next thing, baba said "Come and give me". Ahnahn! Na ment? This one don smoke pawpaw leaves abi the kai-kai they drank is already affecting him? I told him I'm not giving him my earpiece oh. Baba started telling me that when we get to my final bus stop, he will find somebody who sells earpiece so I can buy for him since I don't want to give him my own. The werey even quoted bible for me that the bible said we should ask and we will receive. I sha used him to catch cruise and told him to ask God, not me.

Then the werey went a step further and asked for my state of origin. I told him I'm from Edo. He asked for my name, I said it's Obosa. He asked for my English name because he coldn't pronounce it, I said I don't have. Now, this is where it got interesting... well, worrisome.

Him: Where exactly are you going? Where do you live?

Me: Ah!!! why are you asking?

Him: Because I want to come and visit you

Me: No, thank you

Him: Is it because I am driving "Obalende/CMS" or I'm not worth it

Me: *silence*

Him: Answer me now... I'm not on your level abi? You can just say it. Just say "No, I am too low for you"

In my head, I'm thinking, "I should tell you that so that you will drop me on the road abi? Neeeh! I stayed silent. He whined a bit and then said "okay, will you give me your contact?" At this point, I did not even bother gracing him with a response. He whined and winced for some more and focused on his driving. A couple of minutes later, we got to my bus stop and baba was literally begging me and holding my hand saying he won't let me go if I don't give him my number. At this point I was extremely irritated and I forcefully freed myself from his relatively tight grip. He drove by me and smiled as he said "you don't want to give me your number abi?" I no even aswer the werey and then he sped off.

As I walked home, I just dey think about my life. Do I smell of "eau de trenches" or what exactly just happened to me? Why won't danfo driver hit on me when na the person wey see me be that? I basically "God, abeg-ed" till I got home and left Skiibii's Trenches on repeat till morning. Guys, please join your voice with my own oh, make God answer prayer of agreement because I can't continue laideez . Until next time, stay happy and do gently...