I have an extremely critical mother. If you have seen the popular series - Friends then you can understand me with the help of Character - Monica.
For Monica's mother - her son was perfect and daughter was full of mistakes. Although she fought with her mother many times , this has impacted her personality. She became perfectionist and obsessed with Cleanliness
I relate so much with her. The situation is same in my case.
The mistakes which she points are mistakes. As a human being, I will keep making small careless mistakes here and there but nothing slips from her eyes.
If I speak with her 4 times a day - everytime there is a talk of my mistake or worlds mistakes.
To avoid her criticism, I have talked to her, taken stand, fought with her. I also did too much for her, for myself , in work , in different areas - i have done some great works but there is no end to criticism.
The truth is no matter what I do, I am a human and I will keep making mistakes. She will find it and tell me. There is no escape.
Like any human being, I cant be perfect and no matter how many times i ask her to stop, she wont. She is critical and nothing can stop her.
What should I do. Listen her criticism quietly - (direct telling, indirect comments, her laughs over my mistakes, her anger on mistakes), accept that there is no escape from mistakes and just live the way I want. Sometimes i feel depressed but the point is how can this depression help me?
I can cry and I should. I should definitely feel my feelings because accepting our feelings are important.
Then ultimately build inner resilience. Yes, Okay this is what she is. Nothing can stop her. I accept me for who I am , improve wherever I want or can or just dont improve in some areas because i cant burden myself. I have to make my priorities and work accordingly.
I dont know when she can come with new critical words, what new criticism is cooking in her mind and how she is deciding to humiliate me over every inconsequential thing. Parental guidance and telling of mistakes are important but when it is taken to extreme, the personality of child gets impacted. Many times I have heard that she is the only one who can put up with me and noone else. She has told me that I am defective person who is not capable enough to live in this world.
But now i am preparing myself.Instead of living a scared life where i close the doors of my room with fear of my mother, I open the doors of my room and world. I want to now live a life like a courageous person who is ready to take chances , open to make mistakes and who dont feel bothered by people who have nothing better to do than criticize.
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