You find yourself repeat the same never-ending love cycles.

First, the cycle begins with you by meeting a potential partner and finding yourself thinking at all hours about them. One minute you think of them and then the phone rings or you get a text, which immediately makes you feel psychically connected. You experience so much pleasure and joy simply talking and sharing details of your life.

Find yourself beginning to think that you found your life mate mostly because you are having such a great time discovering new things about each other.  You feel amazing and happy because finally, someone is giving you the attention you need.

You begin to feel alive and hopeful about connecting to another person and all you can think of is that you meet your soul mate. Then, you begin to imagine a life together and growing old.  Life feels wonderful and you truly feely complete.  Suddenly things shift, and the amazing person begins to morph into some cold and detached being you can no longer recognize. Now, you find yourself in a relationship that mimics old patterns that leave you feeling unhappy.

We tend to repeat patterns and behaviors, whether we are conscious of them or not.  Some of the keys to avoiding old patterns consist of the following examples:

1. Pace yourself, because it will allow you to get to know the individual better
2. Ask questions and never assume you have the person figured out
3. Recognize the difference between love and excitement that comes from meeting new people
4. Avoid confusing love for lust
5. Keep in mind that being treated with respect and kindness does not mean the person is in love.
6. Just because a person is nice to you, does not mean they are marriage material
7. Remember, not everyone people falls in love overnight, be patient
8. Having a strong connection is great, there is more to a solid relationship than sparks
9. Most relationships after the honeymoon stage can become less passionate, but the love is still there
10. Handle things as soon as possible to avoid resentments in the future
11. When you recognize certain patterns, do not ignore them
12. Avoid unrealistic compromising for fear of losing a potential connection
13. Respect boundaries, which includes yours as well as theirs
14.  Fighting is not the end of a relationship, but an opportunity to address core issues.

I know dating can be complicated and at times simply frustrating. However, if you allow yourself to take your time and get to know people, you can avoid repeating certain types of relationship patterns. The fear of being alone and never finding love drives us to remain in relationships or connect with individuals that are not ready or simply do not belong with us. The key to avoiding unhealthy relationships is to learn to break your negative dating patterns, so you can free yourself to engage in a harmonious union.

Copyright© 2020 R. Castro