angelwanderer posted: " Music offers an escape from many things — including a marriage without romance and physical intimacy. When there's little to do and the bedroom is a no-go zone, listen to this playlist and feel better knowing someone else knows how you feel. It speaks th"
Music offers an escape from many things — including a marriage without romance and physical intimacy. When there's little to do and the bedroom is a no-go zone, listen to this playlist and feel better knowing someone else knows how you feel. It speaks the words you're already thinking. I'm not sure these are the kinds of songs you'll sit down and enjoy with your partner. They are more likely the ones you'll keep to yourself.
Music helps us smile, dance, laugh or cry. Happy music is a nice distraction from a sexless marriage but the joy is short-lived. Romantic ones remind us of what we're missing most. Sad songs are okay but so few of them speak through the layers of complexity that encircle a sexless marriage. Most miss the mark on that count. They talk about break-ups or longing for that one magical romance they keep missing out on. I wanted songs that cut through the bones of sexless-ness and the playlist above is what I came up with.
My thoughts went straight to Foreigner's Cold As Ice. It was a simple choice as my spouse is totally untouchable. There's no health issue stopping sex — just a general disinterest in it. That's all. Asexual would be the appropriate word to use here. I got caught in someone else's weird projection of what a relationship ought to be and that didn't include sex. And that's the way it will be 'tilto death do us part because that's what we promised each other. (Sad, right?)
Your situation could be similar to mine (I'm guessing it's not) but many people I talk to say their spouse is unhappy and, over time, it's had a negative effect on both of their sex lives. Sometimes, it's about a busy work life that inhibits the road to the bedroom. Children is another sex blocker. It doesn't matter what the reasons are behind your own cold, sexless lifestyle, you still crave something from someone who isn't there for you. You're married to them but still so very much alone.
That emotion is real. It's isolating.
Expect to feel lonely, abandoned, disappointed, frustrated, and angry. You're caught up in something you can't control and that's bound to influence your emotions. That's not all. There's an awful endless loop somewhere in there that's hard to get out of. If you both believe in monogamy, then to support your partner's wish to not have sex, you must also not have sex either. You've agreed to go without, without actually saying it. Yes, you've also enabled a sexless marriage to grow by practising it over and over again. Eventually, you'll get very good at it and you'll become perfect experts. That's a monster you don't want in your marriage.
"Monogamous sexless marriage? No such thing! It's called a mutually celibate marriage because sexless-ness now makes monogamy redundant. Ironic much?"
Listen to the music and add Songs For A Sexless Marriage to your playlists. Even if you don't relate to all the tunes in the lineup, keep it displayed on your device's screen whenever you're not using it, just in case your spouse catches a glimpse of what you're listening to. There's a chance they'll ask about your playlist and you'll start a conversation over it.
Good luck.
-Michael Forman (Author of SEETHINGS: A sexless marriage wrapped in fiction)
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