RelationDigest: [New post] IN A RELATIONSHIP

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IN A RELATIONSHIP

by Bert A. Chua, Sr.

OUR ROLE IN A RELATIONSHIP

WHO WE ARE IN A PARTNERSHIP

WHILE SOME PEOPLE have fairly valid complaints about their partners, because after all, their partners are humans and we all tends to be somewhat defended and flawed. However, they often failed to see their part in the dynamic, and instead, they regard themselves as victims and their actions as controlled by their partners. In talking bout their own actions in their relationship, most people tend to feel justified, identifying their behavior as reactions to their person.

WE TEND TO BE MORE emotionally reactive in our closest relationships. We maybe easily triggered, then act in ways we would find unacceptable if we saw someone else acting that way. Al it takes is for our partner to take a certain tone for us to think we can catch an eye oll, and we're off and running. The most important thing for us to remember in these moments is to not zero in on our partner and catalog every mistake they are making, but to really shift our focus to our own behavior. We need to ask ourselves---- "How do i want to act in the situation ?"

TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITIES

EACH OF US CAN TAKE responsibility for our behavior rather than feeling that our partner's behavior left us no other option than to respond the way we did. Our responsibility is not based on someone else's way of being. We always have the power to decide who we want to be and how we want to react. No one else truly controls us, and yet, we hand over control to another person when we bend ourselves out of shape and act in ways we don't respect. While we can't always choose how we feel, we can choose how we act. Even though we may feel hurt, disregarded, or enraged by their behavior, our partner can't make us be mean, defensive or victimized. Only we get to choose what we do.

ONE OF THE REASON it's so important to take pause before we engaged in any heated interaction with someone close to us is, that often, our emotional reaction is based on or exacerbated by triggers from our past that makes it more difficult to be objective in the moment. It's very reasonable to express that we don't like being treated that way. However, it's also important to take a step back and look at what maybe going on inside us.

MANAGEMENT AND DIRECTIONS

COUPLE'S INTERACTIONS are complicated, because partners tends to read a lot of distorted meaning into each other's words and behavior. That's because most of us aren't just dealing with what the other person is saying or doing, but with what we're telling ourselves about what the other person is saying or doing. We often experience our lives through a filter of our own histories, insecurities, worries, expectations or inner critic. It can leave us feeling easily criticized or slighted by specific things---- thinking someone is angry. We put our own spin, interpretation, or projection unto the world around us. Therefore, we often react irrationally. Couples in particular, have tendencies to act this way.

ACCEPTANCE OF OUR ROLES IN A PARTNERSHIP

IN A RELATIONSHIP, we become extra sensitive or attentive to each other's comments or moods, and we're ready to interprete them through the filter of our critical inner voice. When we act out or take the low road in responding, usually just feel bad. WE turn against ourselves and the other person. And we rarely gets what we want. We gave up a lot of power and possibility for closeness when we're in a reactive mood. Essentially, we are bad in our past, reacting with intensity that has nothing to do with the present.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, WE CANNOT CONTROL ANYONE BUT OURSELVES, AND NO ONE ELSE CAN CONTROL US. WE CAN TAKE CONTROL OF OUR OWN BEHAVIOR AND ONCE WE DECIDE, WE CAN DO OUR BEST TO LIVE BY THAT, KNOWING THAT WE'LL MAKE MISTAKES, BUT OWNING WHO WE ARE.