It's simple. In my opinion, their idea of what a boundary is, is still trying to control someone. We don't want them to control us so we use words to try and instill boundaries but end up trying to control the other person instead. How does that make sense?

For example: Do not talk to me that way or I will leave. Do not call my house after 10:00 PM. Do not curse at me. Do not yell at me or this conversation is over. I will not talk to you until you calm down. It is my business why I am not married yet. It is my business why I have nine children.

Those examples of instilling boundaries are ways to control another person. You can't control anyone, and you can't change anyone either. They aren't suddenly going to stop yelling just because you said so, and they aren't going to suddenly stop cursing just because you now have a boundary that says no cursing. That person is still going to curse whether or not you tell them to stop. They're probably even going to curse even more after telling them to stop.

My idea of a boundary is this: Since we can't control other people, and since we can't change other people either, we consider the source. We expect that there will be uncomfortable questions, we expect that someone is going to yell to get their point across and expect that there will be cursing too for emphasis, and that our phone will ring after 10:00 PM. What we can do is to not react to the yelling or the cursing. We can even shut our phones off at 10:00 PM or turn on the do not disturb option on our phones so it won't ring at all, or at least won't ring for certain people.

We can only control how we react and that's how we instill our boundaries. I think we only do harm when we focus on the negativity of an interaction with another person. When we only focus on the negativity of an interaction with someone, we're not being present or seeing any good that could possibly come from that interaction. We are only focusing on them yelling, on that curse word, or their opinion on our life and then we dismiss them as human beings.

We don't think of them and how they feel about life and where they're at in it, we only think of us and how their actions affect us. We don't understand that they are the ones with issues, we just focus on how their words and actions feel in us. If we come to them in love and happiness, then their negative words are nothing and do nothing.

How I do it is I put a bubble up around me and I only let in what I want in. Those negative words or actions that are thrown at me by someone else are bounced off and gone into the atmosphere because I considered the source, even if I don't know them I understand that they are coming from a different place in their life than I am in mine. Then something magical happens.... I am able to focus on the positives of that interaction.

Let me give you an example of something that happened just yesterday. A new neighbor and I got together for the first time ever. We met for lunch. We have never seen each other outside of our Facebook posts and the first thing she says to me is "OMG! You are soooooo skinnnnnyyyyyy!!!"

I had 2 options. I could've been offended and hurt and let it bug me the whole visit or I could've let it bounce off me and enjoy my visit with a potential new friend. What do you think I did?

Well, if you said that I let it bounce off of me and quickly forgot about it and had a wonderful 4 hour visit with an amazing new friend, then you are 100% correct!

So guys, they're going to say the words, they're going to yell, there will be cursing but how you react to it is the most important. Lead by example.

This free site is ad-supported. Learn more
​